One of the big questions in life is whether God loves me
because I’m good, do great things and is better off with me on his side. So if
I happen to be honest with myself than it is easy to come to the conclusion
that God could never love me and I’m not worthy of anyone’s love. I live in a world where it is easy for many
to judge people according to whether they appear to be worthy or deserving of God’s
help. The reality for all of us, I
believe, is that we love conditionally. So if you are good to me than I will be
good to you. If you are mean to me than I’m going to get back at you. Revenge
or getting even too often becomes the rule of the land.
I’m always around circumstances where it is easy to judge
people and decide internally that someone isn’t worthy of my time or energy. I
have been told by many, especially social workers or teachers that working with
at risk youth is a waste of time. No one every changes and you are wasting your
time and ultimately just enabling someone to maintain their ‘evil lifestyle’.
It is too easy to judge someone according to my way of thinking and totally
miss out on how God purposely loves the underdog and, as my wife would say – the
mutant.
One of my favorite authors is Brenning Manning. He is a
prolific writer who always is focusing on God’s grace, mercy, redemption and
hope for everyone, including himself. He is someone who is quick to say that he
would be perceived as the one who should have never been loved by God or
people. He would be the proverbial drunk in the gutter who is always looking up
to see someone with a condescending look on his or her face. He would introduce
himself first as being an alcoholic who happens to be a Priest and author.
I have lots of stories in my life that always push me to
rethink my view of how I live out the Gospel today. It is too easy to
theologically and intellectually say the correct things but the convicting
reality is that I don’t practice it in the way I treat people. I’m often torn
as to how to express love in the midst of sinful tragedies that impact
everyone. I think it is important to understand both the cost of our sin and
the consequences of our life choices. It is too easy to either assume that
because someone behaves like a good person they must get it and those that
continue to mess up must be far off from the Gospel and Jesus.
I’m so thankful that God has chosen to love me according to
His Son’s actions and not my own. I have learned over time how to control my temper;
I still have a temper, and have learned how to gauge what I say without loosing
it. Yet, in my heart of hearts I want to get revenge and prove to the person I
can’t stand that I’m better then them and God clearly loves me more. It is so easy to have the mindset that this
person really could never be forgiven and absolutely would never amount to
anything.
Jesus had an annoying habitat of always choosing people who
fit the not deserving of God’s love to be part of his own group. I can’t fathom
that Jesus understood that Judas would sell him out, Peter would betray him not
once but three time and often would say in his parables that he came for those
that weren’t invited to the banquet. My experience is that it isn’t natural for
anyone to love those who aren’t loveable according to their standards. We would
quickly say that God would never redeem a murderer on death’s row. Someone like
Chuck Colson, one of Nixon’s ‘hatchet’ men, has been used by God to transform
prison life for many with the real meaning of the Gospel being for those who
are truly lost like my friend Brennan and myself.
The real struggle for most of us, myself included, is that I
really believe that I’m better than most people. It is too easy to think inside
that I’m not like my neighbor who does all of these crazy things. My context is
more that I’m not foolish enough to lose my job, my house and dignity by
getting high, stealing a car or breaking into someone’s house to get cash. The
Gospel is totally for the person who fits this picture. (This is not to say
that God doesn’t love the ‘goody two shoes type’.) Jesus came to save the lost
not those who believe that they are better than everyone else.
Yes, I can waste my time when it comes to helping my kids,
teens or single moms. I can end up doing good things for the wrong reasons
trying to earn my way to heaven or build up my status before fellow urban
workers. My learning curve is figuring out how to express the Gospel both in
words and deeds so everyone I’m around can see that grace and mercy is the path
to wholeness. It is so easy to get frustrated over both little kids gone wild,
teens that do dumb things, single moms that are flaky and people with resources
that are selfish. God is calling me to look less at them and examine my own
heart, which I have to admit is wicked above all things.
I love how Paul expresses in Romans how Christ dies for us
before we become superstars in the church or seasoned veterans in community
development work. Yet, the challenge is that I’m always weighing and measuring
myself in comparison to others. What if I don’t see real life change with
someone that I’ve been around for 1 year or even 5 years? Does this mean that I
have wasted my time? The Gospel ultimately is about God’s amazing love that
draws us to himself to be redeemed, renewed and given a new life that we have
to willfully choose to guard but also share. I long to see those around me
truly get the Gospel and not turn it into an empty legalism or an intellectual
pursuit.
God, I thank you for loving me regardless of how I have
lived but I pray that you will help me live in such a way to please you and see
your Spirit bring others to yourself through the Gospel of your Son!
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