I Don't Like Being Screamed At!

No one wants to be screamed at regardless of the reasons. I also understand that unless I get the last word in an argument then I’m perceived as the loser. I’m now well conversed in both Hispanic and African American culture where the louder you get the sense is that you are in control. My wife typically brings earplugs to any type of concert or shouting match. I know that one of the signs of someone’s hurt and brokenness is having to take it out on someone else. The challenge is when that someone is you or more specifically me.

I was being the loving son taking my dad out for the day in the rain. We had decided to take him to the mall and walk around the 1-mile hardwood floor path. Anne went shopping and I pushed and helped my dad around the entire path. I know that he enjoyed watching the people and seeing various things in the stores. I was so jazzed that when we pulled up to get grandpa that he was actually sitting in the rocking chair right in front of the entryway.

As we get close to the food court I ask Grandpa if he wants some shrimp for lunch. I knew his answer would be a hearty – YES! I know that he loves shrimp but isn’t too crazy about rice. I know when he lived with us he would complain on occasion rather loudly that we always feed him rice. I decide to go to the other place, not Panda Express and get some freshly cooked shrimp and beef. I text Anne to see if she is finished shopping but discover she is buying something.

It takes a few minutes for the lunch to be prepared and cooked. It is sizzling hot and I take it to the table. I have to pull off the little shrimp ends because Grandpa isn’t able to do that. Otherwise he would eat the shrimp with its’ shell. As we are eating I notice that I had a phone call from someone that I have had serious conflict with. She’s a single mom with older teens. They had stayed with us the last time for 3 months before I had to ask the mom to get her own place. The dynamics surrounding their transition out wasn’t the best, I’m afraid that I needed to have been more specific about our providing living arrangements meant that the funds acquired through working needed to be saved. So moving out was a nightmare unfortunately and we aren’t on the best terms at present.

I had texted this individual a few days ago that her tax return was at my house. My assumption was that voice mail was about getting the return to her. Instead it was a long tirade about how bad I was as a pastor and didn’t have any right to say anything about her situation with her teens. It always amazes me when I tell someone that what I’m sharing is confidential and it gets out. This news really didn’t involve this individual but her son who had done something rather foolish and because he is an adult faced the consequences of his choices.

As I went to listen to the voice mail my blood pressure and frustration level mounted. My decision was what do I do? Shall I text her back a rather scathing put down type of text in a spiritual way? Call her back and just tell her to never call or text me again? I know that in the past this has happened and she lost it when I wouldn’t drop everything to help her or end up helping her teens when she isn’t able. Instead of saying thanks for caring it was typically a leave my teens alone scream and a I don’t need your help scream back. Just as I was going to listen to the voice mail the daughter texts me that mom is on the warpath and is ranting and raving about everything. She tells me not to answer the phone or respond.

Whether this teen knew it or not she gave the best advice. I know as a good Boy Scout that adding fuel to an existing fire only causes it to get more intense. Regardless of how I responded to this voicemail the fireworks would go off and I would end up saying something that later I would regret. I have never really been in the position to help this individual when it comes to direction in life. If she isn’t open to listening to one of her peers she definitely isn’t going to hear from me.

I know that sometimes silence is better than trying to one up someone especially if you are on the phone. I have been in conversations with this person in the past when I just had to hang up. I’m not going to listen to someone scream at me and use the F bomb. This doesn’t serve any real purpose for anyone. Yes, I feel unresolved tension over this situation because it has been brewing over the last 6 years. I don’t like to see anyone in a place in life where they are not capable of providing for their family.

I know sometimes the best path to pursue is the one where you choose not to say anything. This doesn’t mean you don’t do anything but you purposely choose to pray in a positive way that God will bring her around positive people who will listen and encourage her to get back on track with her Heavenly Father. I know that I can’t fix anyone and shouldn’t have this mindset. I know that Jesus truly is the only one who is able to help with the inner hurt, frustration and give the inner strength to keep going when life seems to be going south.