I think that most of us as adults think that we are fairly adept at hiding our emotions most of the time. I’m around so many different
types of adults and youth that I try not to let the emotional ‘stuff’ going on
impact me too much. Yesterday as I’m driving around getting kids and teens for
tutoring I have one of my more articulate 8 year olds ask me if I’m mad or
something. I’m thinking to myself how did this little gal figure out that I was
fuming on the inside? I thought I knew how to keep my composure?
I had received an e-mail that I had reacted to the tenure of
what was said. It was all rather silly to get worked up but it wasn’t as if I
was arguing with someone face-to-face. Yet, my good little friend called me out
as if she could tell that I was upset and hurting. So instead of saying yeah
you’re totally right I appreciate your concern I was the adult acting as if
everything was cool. WRONG, I should have been honest and real with my little
friend. She wasn’t balling me out but showing real concern.
Later that night one of my younger teens blew up at his foster
brother and ended up being foul mouthed to one of the staff at the community
center. The staff person, a good friend, told what had happened so I went back
and talked with the teen. I understood what happened but explained that he
couldn’t blow up and then chew out someone that is trying to help him. My
friend, who has a passion for at risk youth, talked with my teen and explained
how he could have handled his emotions in a better fashion.
I was proud of my younger teen that actually apologized and
then listened to ways to help him deal better with his anger. I know that few
of us want someone to call us out about anything. Yet, sometimes it helps us
realize how we come across to others and what we might do differently the next
time something happens. The truth is that we are all emotional creatures who do
have feelings that do get hurt and often we react to the circumstances around
us. I’m not saying it’s wrong to express yourself but to think first before you
do something that might be toxic.
As I’m writing this I get a series of texts from a good
friend who is struggling with a situation where his son’s soccer team plays at
a park across from his house. This is a small park in an under resourced
neighborhood that is open to anyone to use. The soccer team has been playing there
the last few months. Another group has appeared and decided to take over.
Regardless of how nice my friend and the coach have been to this other team
they have chosen not to listen or play fairly. The other coach basically told them
they could settle the issue in the alley. Wow, how do you handle this
situation? My friend had called the police who couldn’t do anything.
I was able to resolve my heartache over this e-mail without
any type of blowing up or emotional melt down. I know that my young teen will
continue to have anger issues and will need to have someone help with his
outbursts. I have confidence that he will get better in time. My friend in the park has hit a wall because
the other guy is your macho type that doesn’t listen and truly believes he has
the right to take over. So this will require someone else to call this guy out
who eventually will have to play fairly or move to a different park.
As my day finished yesterday I was no longer feeling toxic
on the inside and was able to thank my little friend for caring enough to ask
the obvious question, ‘How are you doing?’ It was my choice not to respond with
the truth. I hope she will do this again when she senses that I’m upset about
something. Amazing what we can learn from the kids around us!
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