I really didn’t know what to expect with moving everything out of my dad and mom’s house. I knew that dad had lived for over 6 years without much help from mom because of her cancer and now it has been 2.5 years since her death. My dad had kept his house totally under wraps, which meant that all windows, doors or any light source was covered. We at times attempted to get dad to open doors or windows only to have him shut them. I know that over the last 6 months that eventually he would move in with us and we would have the daunting task of emptying everything out.
I drove out late after church on a Sunday night. It was raining which didn’t make it any easier but I made it to my brother’s around 4 AM in the morning. I had made prior arrangements to rent a u-haul truck to assist in taking the furniture to the Salvation Army. I do have a pennant for wanting to get things done and not sit around and discuss philosophical issues. Don’t get me wrong I love to talk philosophy or theology but the purpose of this visit from my perspective was to have everything cleaned out of the house and the storage shed before I left. I didn’t want my younger brother and wife to have to fuss any more with the mess and the memories.
I knew that this was going to be a ‘dirty’ job that could be on the History Channel. I also thought that the Horder Show might be interested in how many trash bags, paper towels and cases of toilet paper dad had stashed in the garage. I didn't know what to expect when I would walk into the house which my brother and sister in-law had already spent a couple of weeks going through draws, closets, etc… to search for any important papers, jewelry or stashed cash.I knew we had lots to do so I had to kick my brother Mark in the morning to get him out of bed and ready to get the u-haul. I decided there wasn’t any mysterious way to do this so we started taking out the furniture and then discovered that my younger brother’s neighbor, a fellow professor, needed furniture and a bed. So we did a run to the condo complex and then came back to hit it hard and get rid of bookcases, dressers and just throw all of the books and garbage on the floor. It looked like a hurricane had struck the inside of the house. It was also like a dust storm had errupted as we picked everything up.
My middle brother could only stay to the evening of the first real day of moving so we get the house emptied with most of the furniture that was worthy of being given away. We had to be done by an early time to get my brother home to shower, pack and get to the airport. I was rather tired after getting only a couple hours of sleep. So I was thrilled that dinner was done by the time I returned from the airport.
The next day I got up early and got boxes to start the process of packing up books and trash. There wasn’t any obvious place to start so we landed in the office. We shorted trash in one box and then books in another box. As we began to do this my dad’s life began to flash before my eyes. He had studied many things in college and life so there were a wide assortment of books that were packed up. This isn’t to mention my dad’s career in the Air Force who flew in B-52’s and dropped bombs in the Vietnam War. My dad had a thing for 3x5 cards and taking notes about everything. We found a few treasures between dad’s stuff, i.e. medals, pictures and then family keepsakes. We slowly made progress and could see the bottom of the floor, which was a welcomed sight until you could see all of the dirt and realize that nothing had been cleaned in 5 years.
My wife’s cousin’s son came out to help and was super with boxing up the kitchen and also sorting through lots of little treasures. I started to take the boxes into the spare garage, which became the easy out to get everything out of sight and out of mind for a season. I was smart in getting 20 book boxes and 10 large boxes. It didn’t take too long to fill all of these and see the extra garage start to look full. I had tried hard to keep my emotions in check but as we sorted through all of dad’s worldly belongings I sensed my dad’s different phases in life. There were pictures everywhere of me when I was little with a mom that I didn’t recognize, then a picture of either my kids or my brother’s kids. There were letters from all of us at different times writing back to the parents. I found one that I had written from San Diego before getting married. I gasped to see what I wrote and how I wrote. I hope I have improved some over the years. My heart for my parents did come through.
I almost forgot to talk about my dad’s thing for trash bags. Once I started to bag up trash I decided to just throw them into the front yard. The pile at first wasn’t that amazing but as the day wore on it grew. So I did a quick Craigslist search for trash haulers. I made about 7 calls and only Joe answered. Again, this wasn’t necessarily a good sign because the other guys were probably busy. I had no clue that it would take 4 loads to clear out the front yard. So Joe came by on Tuesday night and did one load and then promised to be back in the morning. We were fortunate to find the key for the storage unit, which hadn’t been touched in 10-12 years. Scott had the magic touch and was able to open the unit to discover about 15 boxes, an old stereo cabinet, a bookcase and an ancient steam bath spa. We had Joe just meet us at the storage place and began hauling it all out. I totally underestimated how much was in the unit. It totally filled up the truck. So we sent off Joe with load 3 and headed back to the house.
The real job which I had no clue would be accomplished was having someone take my dad’s gym. This wasn’t just any set of weights and bars but really a high-end home gym. I truly wish that I had gotten into weight lifting so I could have brought all of this home and set it up in my garage. I put an ad on Craigslist and got a few e-mails but only one call that was serious. The goal wasn’t making money but getting everything out of the garage. So Brian, who is from LA, after looking at the pictures decided he had to have them. The only catch was that he was in New York for business. He made a few calls and got two good friends to drive from LA with a truck to pick them up.
So just as we snag some lunch from El Pollo we get a call from the guys to get the gym equipment. As I pulled up I expected to see a couple of real buff gym types. Instead these guys were scrawny Asians. I had my doubts about them getting all of the weights and especially the squat rack onto the truck. I did have to intervene when the younger guy attempted to back the truck into the driveway. After a few minutes of no progress I stepped in to save my truck and speed up the process. Just as these guys are finishing Joe is back from the dump for his last load. The garage is now empty and you can see the floor along with a few glued on rugs.
Joe takes his time to find any treasures from the junk boxes. We make a pile for him to retrieve his treasures the following day. I sweep out the garage and cough a little or actually a lot. I continue to go through the house and get all of the bathroom stuff and do a last minute double check. We are almost done and there is time to do a Flippi’s dinner – YEAH! I am tired, sore and sad. I really don’t want my mom’s life to come to an end with boxing everything up. I know that my dad is presently clueless about what we had just spent 3 days doing. We set aside a few of his special memory pieces to use when we get him his own studio in a senior center.
I know this has especially been tough on my younger brother and his family. They have been grandpa’s caretakers for the last 3 years. It is a real job and requires lots of patience and a thick hide to love on grandpa. We were able to talk to his neighbors and his mail lady. Everyone was pleased that he was no longer living alone but would miss his constant care for the yard, the street, the trashcans and the gutters. I don’t think the area will ever look as clean then it did with dad’s supervising and work.
I love my dad and hurt on the inside as I think of his life transitioning to something totally different. I know that change is good but hard for any of us to accept regardless of age and means. My hope is that I can keep my dad’s legacy alive and help him see my love for him in how I care for him in his golden years as he cared for my mom as she journeyed through her battle with cancer over a decade.
Thanks dad - I love you!
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