Temper, Temper

This last week I have been in the middle of a couple of temper flare-ups. I was driving to my Starbucks at 6am after walking the dogs. I couldn’t believe that this one guy was so upset because I was driving probably 35 instead of 40 mph that he sped past me and preceded to both honk and extend his middle finger. My first reaction wasn’t to return a finger in response but to wave and honk back at him. As we approached the intersection the light had turned red and guess what, we were both at the light at the same time.

I’m sure that this individual was in a huge rush to get to work and truly believed that I was inhibiting his ability to get to work on time. Clearly he wouldn’t have admitted to the fact that he was late and could have gotten up a few minutes earlier and stopped a potential road rage incident from taking place. My father in-law has a tendency to overact at times to some of the crazies that drive around him in San Diego. I have a few memories of him speeding up to honk at the perpetrator. We did attempt to explain to him that this probably wasn’t a great idea since the number of shootings amongst road rage types has significantly increased over the years.

Last night we were in the park with a large group of youth that varied from the older girl group that loves to sit at a table and watch the traffic or guys. Another group that loves to work on crafts and use their minds and hands in a more constructive fashion. There is the usual sports group that loves to play football or soccer. Then there are the little guys who are like a herd of animals. They are a little gang that seizes the opportunity to find anything from spare change, actually one of these kids found $5 on Sunday afternoon, to just beating up on each other. One of the my favorite little guys ends up having his feelings hurt and allows his temper to take over. He’s sitting by himself sobbing because someone took advantage of him.

As the football game starts to take off with about 16 playing. It is easy to have the few superstar guys get all of the plays and the other teens to feel left in the dust. So it is no wonder that a few can get their tempers pushed to the limit. I have a few teens that definitely have anger issues and always get pushed to the edge for the silliest thing. The image that stands out last night is of a larger guy teen chasing one of the younger preteen gals. She had squirted him with a larger squirt gun and in his mind had ruined his mp3 player. He truly believed that justified chasing her around like a madman with the 3 gal igloo.

I know that in the past screaming at this teen doesn’t work and another older teen helped me get his attention amidst screams to slow him down and finally he stops. It’s like once his ‘on button’ has been hit that he comes totally unglued. I try not to analyze what happened and why he seems to have this rage within that wants to kill but that is his life at present.

This last week this same teen had gotten into it with his mom and older brother. He feels slighted in the family setting where everyone is always picking on him and trying to take away his freedom, food and remote control for the T.V. I had explained to him that walking away and taking deep breaths would help him not lose it and get himself in trouble.  This battle with his mom and brother seems to be ongoing so he continues to struggle with what to do. So one evening as I’m in the middle of my job-life skill group he calls at least 5 times before I answer. He is furious and ready to explode about his family. He tells me he has called the police and they are on their way. I knew that this police officer would show up and be at a loss as to what to do. Here are these three or four loud screaming types out of control. What actually happened is the mom and older brother get it together because of the police showing up and my teen continues to be overreacting. So ultimately the teen is left looking like the little kid out of control.

The outcome of a temper tantrum is that you lose control and have little sense of what is really happening. I know with this teen it is a common pattern that he gets picked on at school and is the one to always get in trouble while the real troublemakers get away with ‘murder’. I know that he thinks he is going to escape getting caught but his temper bursts are too loud and long. I know it is easy to make excuses as to why he is this way, such as the fact that he has grown up around a mom and siblings that are always on drugs, he is hyper active and should be on meds that clearly would help control these outbursts.

My hope is that as he grows up and sees that most of his temper bursts are more a byproduct of hormone rage and wanting to fight for his rights than really anything else. It’s tough growing up in a world where others are so quick to judge if you are overweight, don’t have a real iPod vs. mp3 or ran out of laundry detergent and your clothes stink. Yes, I admit that I too can lose my temper over the craziest things in life so I can’t judge to harshly my teen that was chasing around this other preteen.