I am slowly learning about building relationships with people that are different from my normal comfort zone. We love to do gatherings at our house with both youth and adults. So once a month we host a Sunday bbq to create a setting where people and youth can interact and potentially make new friends and learn from one another.
This last Sunday we had one of our bbq’s and had a great turnout. I had asked some different friends who did come so we had one of my painting grandmas, a single Hispanic dad with three little kids, his mom (Spanish speaking only), an African American dad whose daughter brought him, the normal group that helps and then a couple of neighbors in addition to about 25 of our youth. We were spread through out the house, back and front yard. We had a great meal that everyone brought something to share. It was great to watch one of my good friends and wife, who are grandparent types, interact with Mrs. Jefferson and Daniel my African American dad who definitely didn’t fit but came.
There was a side of me where I was thrilled to see such a varied group gathered at my house. Another side where I was a little ticked at some of my friends for not being as outgoing and friendly with new people. I know that it isn’t natural for someone to hang out with someone who is totally different. Then the reality of family battles also hit. One of our families that we are helping big time is at war with another key family in our group over a dog. So because of this the other family couldn’t stay. This was and is maddening to see one lady have a restraining order against another family. The dad of the other family has actually helped this other family with a group that did some cleanup.
Our ‘live in’ college student, Terrance, had invited over the kids of a single parent friend. He is a young guy and had actually agreed to watch all four of them. As is usual with little kids they got into in with each other, made a mess and were loud. Terrance was pushed to his limit.
After all of our gatherings there is always a mess to cleanup. Sometimes there is trash all over the place other times its not to tough to clean up. I was taking home a group of youth and just as we are finishing dropping everyone off a little boy gets into it with a girl over something really silly. Everyone is quiet as I pull over the van and get them to stop punching each other. No one is hurt but it just reinforces the reality that I live in a spiritual war zone where people of difference colors tend to want to fight and not give up unless they win.
I have been personally hurt by a few that all of a sudden decide that I am playing favorites with someone and they really believe that I have ignored them or not given them attention. There is one situation where a relative of someone, I didn’t know, accuses me of being disrespectful. I talk with the mom who has decided to ban her kids from all of our activities. She acts as if I have done nothing wrong to offend and it is just because of needing more rest and time to get ready for school.
The journey continues as I discover that God is color blind or has purposely made all of us different for a purpose not an accident. Sometimes I wish I were black or brown and not white.
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