Last night I had to break up a dispute, between two of my guys who have lived with me on and off over the last three years. Both have grown up in the hood in totally different circumstances. Grandma raised one, which is great because he was around the church his whole life. He lived in a very small apartment and saw his mom on occasion. The drug and violence thing didn’t really impact his life much. He in fact would be viewed as an Oreo by most of his friends. (A Black guy that talks and acts like he is white.) My other ‘son’ grew up with just his mom and sister. Life has always been tough because of always moving, seldom having stability because of the mom’s inability to keep a job.
So I walk upstairs to my house and hear these guys in a heated argument. What had happened was that the older ‘son’ had gotten a bike for Christmas last year that my other ‘son’ ended up using the most. It is true that the older ‘son’ had beaten up the bike to such an extent that it wasn’t in the best working condition. So I know that my other ‘son’ had the attitude that the bike was really a throw away.
Now enters the real issue; the bike had been left in the garage of the younger ‘son’s’ house. The challenge is that his family was evicted out of the house and the bike was left in the garage. The attitude of the younger ‘son’ was that’s life. Don’t bug my mom who is stressing out with a new job and life. My other ‘son’ rightfully gets ticked because of the lack of responsibility and accountability on the part of the younger ‘son’.
I enter not to beat up either of them up but to get them to chill and recognize that one this is a dead issue; i.e. the owner of the house could care less about the bike and the mom isn’t gone to lift a finger to do anything. I know that this wasn’t what the one wanted to hear and knew that this just confirmed his impression on the mom that she is a selfish dead beat that takes advantage of even college students for money.
My real hope was that the younger ‘son’ wouldn’t show such a ‘I don’t give a s_____!’ attitude. Yet, he has been raised to show little regard for other’s property and bigger issue, which is what gets me, that those that have means can always replace whatever gets broken or lost. So I kill the argument and we all move on with getting to bed.
As I am driving my older ‘son’ back to his mom’s house I was ready to remind him of an expensive camera that he borrowed when I first met him. Typically this ‘son’ doesn’t go out of his way to scam anyone. The unfortunate happening was that he let a friend use the camera, which was a no no and she ends up dropping it. I am glad that I didn’t hold my breathe for him to replace it or actively save for it. I know that he would be hurt if I beat him up for this but I should have. He shined on the camera situation no different than the bike situation. I know in the back of his mind that I was the rich white guy that had the means to get another camera.
The real question is how does one gain a respect for someone else’s property? This is a real tough one to handle. It seems that one’s youth experience too often defines your value of ‘things’. As I have observed first hand that too many that grow up in a marginalized setting tend to have a lower view of property than those who have had to work for their possessions. My hope is to see a learning curve in the life of both of these guys where they can take responsibility even for someone else’s mess up. I know that if I were to lose or break either of these guy’s special stuff, i.e. cell phone, laptop or favorite hat or shirt I would be in the doghouse.
I know that in the larger context God must get miffed at how most of us misuse the gifts that we have received. I know that we now live in a disposable world where almost anything can be replaced without a whole lot of effort with some expense. I know that if their mom’s had a higher view of personal property, that they would be different and more capable of respecting other’s property. It is too easy to make an excuse to cast the blame on someone else.
Yeah, I would love to get my great little camera back that I had gotten for my wife who is techno challenged. I gave up but should have held my one son to the burner and forced him to work it off. Much like the other son needs to follow through and get another bike to show that he is real.
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