Wednesday, October 15, 2014

How Do You Summarize a Life?

It is rather difficult to summarize a person’s life in a few words, a paragraph or even a memoir. I had the privilege of knowing Ed Bennett, my dad, over 60 years. I have a vast array of memories from my childhood, teen hood, young adult life and as an adult where I watched my dad care for my dying mom. I had the joy of being his special friend over the last four years of his life. What I would like to do is paint a simple picture of my dad’s life in a few paragraphs or couple of pages. I know that I will do a great disservice to him but I want to make an annual time to reflect, remember and rejoice over God’s gift to me in my dad.

As a little kid I looked up to my dad because he was in the Air Force and flew fighter jets. I had little comprehension of what it was like for him to get into this small high tech plane and travel at supersonic speeds. It was this same man who was able to be a gentleman, caring and able to listen to his son. I have many memories of playing catch after school, traveling on trips to visit the relatives in St. Louis and go sightseeing through many of the national parks in the states.

I never really understood much about my dad’s youth because he was a rather private person, yet, he was someone that loved life in such a way that it didn’t seem to matter as a kid. He was the person in my life that taught me the importance of learning, always smiling, doing your best and never being afraid of failure. It wasn’t until the last year of his life that I had the most amazing experience of having a close friend, who he had mentored in the Air Force, share his story about my dad. I was in tears and realized how my dad was truly amazing, unselfish and someone that gave his all to those who he cared about.

The funniest story as a kindergartener was the day I got caught playing ‘hooky’ from school. As I remember my first few days in school there was a blonde little girl that continued to bug me and actually kiss me. I wasn’t aware at the time that this was something that I should have appreciated but instead saw it as bad. So I was rather timid to ask the teacher to tell her to stop. The following day I decide to walk out of the house and then hide behind the bushes in the front yard. I watched both parents disappear assuming that all was fine. Clearly the school connected with my mom only to discover that I had stayed home without permission. Needless to say the next day mom and dad caught me. I didn’t realize until in my old age that my dad’s decision to spank me required a long deliberation.

My Jr. and Sr. High years were spent between Montana and California. I had a glimpse into my mom’s life as my dad was away during most of the Vietnam War. I was empowered by my dad to be the man of the house. I know that my younger brother was somewhat disturbed by this looking back. My dad left with mom close to giving birth to our youngest brother. It was during this time that I had a glimpse into the hardship of being a career military family. My mom was very strong individual that was more than capable of facing anything on our own but I realized that she needed the support and help from me and my brother in my dad’s absence.

As I graduated from high school my dad retired from the Air Force and began his next life, which shadowed mine because we both attended college. If my mom were to share about this phase of his life it required a little push by her to get him out of the house and decide what was next. It was during my college years that my dad’s side of my life came forth. I discovered that I loved to learn and was very interested in science because of him!

As I press fast forward to his life and mine I’m now entering the part of life where I become my dad’s helper. I will always chuckle at my dad’s mantra during his dementia where he would accuse me of being his ‘boss’ and his ‘father’. I would attempt to not laugh but would reassure him that I was his son and friend, yet, had to help him in special ways. My relationship with my dad over the last few years of his life taught me to value the simple things, like being together, looking at each other, smiling and saying hi and good-bye.

My routine with my dad over the last year of his life was to visit him a couple of times a week and we would go for a drive. If the weather was good we would go for a walk and if it were summer it would be a trip in the truck or the van. He usually would ask for something to eat that meant we went to McDonalds or Burger King. He loved strawberry milkshakes and French Fries. His ability to talk lessened over this last year because of his memory loss. He would get a little frustrated with forgetting but ultimately would come back to expressing his love and thankfulness for my being with him.

I struggled with knowing that at some point I would have my last time with him. I sensed over his last month that he was slowing down and eating less. Yet, in spite of his memory loss challenge he was always quick to look me in the eye and say thanks for being taken for a drive and enjoying our shake or coke together. The proverbial phone call I was expecting did come with the news that in the last few days since I saw him last he had decided not to eat and was mostly sleeping.

As I walked into his room he was actually sleeping in his little twin bed. Usually he would be wondering around his memory loss home or sacked out on a couch or snoozing as he watched T.V. with friends. I knew this might actually be the last time I might talk with him and hear his voice. So I was totally taken off guard when he sat up in his bed and grabbed my hand. I couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth. He clearly says with his eyes and voice, “Thanks for caring for me!” and even louder says, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” These were the last words my dad said to me or anyone!


As I have attempted over the years to put back together the puzzle of my parent’s lives I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to make up with the stepsiblings or wayward uncle. I just want to relish my mom and dad’s way of living. Yes, I miss their voices, the delicious meals and even the arguments and fights. I’m blessed to have had such incredible parents!

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