It is rather difficult to summarize a person’s life in a few
words, a paragraph or even a memoir. I had the privilege of knowing Ed Bennett,
my dad, over 60 years. I have a vast array of memories from my childhood, teen
hood, young adult life and as an adult where I watched my dad care for my dying
mom. I had the joy of being his special friend over the last four years of his
life. What I would like to do is paint a simple picture of my dad’s life in a
few paragraphs or couple of pages. I know that I will do a great disservice to
him but I want to make an annual time to reflect, remember and rejoice over
God’s gift to me in my dad.
As a little kid I looked up to my dad because he was in the
Air Force and flew fighter jets. I had little comprehension of what it was like
for him to get into this small high tech plane and travel at supersonic speeds.
It was this same man who was able to be a gentleman, caring and able to listen
to his son. I have many memories of playing catch after school, traveling on
trips to visit the relatives in St. Louis and go sightseeing through many of
the national parks in the states.
I never really understood much about my dad’s youth because
he was a rather private person, yet, he was someone that loved life in such a
way that it didn’t seem to matter as a kid. He was the person in my life that
taught me the importance of learning, always smiling, doing your best and never
being afraid of failure. It wasn’t until the last year of his life that I had
the most amazing experience of having a close friend, who he had mentored in
the Air Force, share his story about my dad. I was in tears and realized how my
dad was truly amazing, unselfish and someone that gave his all to those who he
cared about.
The funniest story as a kindergartener was the day I got
caught playing ‘hooky’ from school. As I remember my first few days in school
there was a blonde little girl that continued to bug me and actually kiss me. I
wasn’t aware at the time that this was something that I should have appreciated
but instead saw it as bad. So I was rather timid to ask the teacher to tell her
to stop. The following day I decide to walk out of the house and then hide
behind the bushes in the front yard. I watched both parents disappear assuming
that all was fine. Clearly the school connected with my mom only to discover
that I had stayed home without permission. Needless to say the next day mom and
dad caught me. I didn’t realize until in my old age that my dad’s decision to
spank me required a long deliberation.
My Jr. and Sr. High years were spent between Montana and
California. I had a glimpse into my mom’s life as my dad was away during most
of the Vietnam War. I was empowered by my dad to be the man of the house. I
know that my younger brother was somewhat disturbed by this looking back. My
dad left with mom close to giving birth to our youngest brother. It was during
this time that I had a glimpse into the hardship of being a career military
family. My mom was very strong individual that was more than capable of facing
anything on our own but I realized that she needed the support and help from me
and my brother in my dad’s absence.
As I graduated from high school my dad retired from the Air
Force and began his next life, which shadowed mine because we both attended
college. If my mom were to share about this phase of his life it required a
little push by her to get him out of the house and decide what was next. It was
during my college years that my dad’s side of my life came forth. I discovered
that I loved to learn and was very interested in science because of him!
As I press fast forward to his life and mine I’m now
entering the part of life where I become my dad’s helper. I will always chuckle
at my dad’s mantra during his dementia where he would accuse me of being his
‘boss’ and his ‘father’. I would attempt to not laugh but would reassure him
that I was his son and friend, yet, had to help him in special ways. My
relationship with my dad over the last few years of his life taught me to value
the simple things, like being together, looking at each other, smiling and
saying hi and good-bye.
My routine with my dad over the last year of his life was to
visit him a couple of times a week and we would go for a drive. If the weather
was good we would go for a walk and if it were summer it would be a trip in the
truck or the van. He usually would ask for something to eat that meant we went
to McDonalds or Burger King. He loved strawberry milkshakes and French Fries.
His ability to talk lessened over this last year because of his memory loss. He
would get a little frustrated with forgetting but ultimately would come back to
expressing his love and thankfulness for my being with him.
I struggled with knowing that at some point I would have my
last time with him. I sensed over his last month that he was slowing down and
eating less. Yet, in spite of his memory loss challenge he was always quick to
look me in the eye and say thanks for being taken for a drive and enjoying our
shake or coke together. The proverbial phone call I was expecting did come with
the news that in the last few days since I saw him last he had decided not to
eat and was mostly sleeping.
As I walked into his room he was actually sleeping in his
little twin bed. Usually he would be wondering around his memory loss home or
sacked out on a couch or snoozing as he watched T.V. with friends. I knew this
might actually be the last time I might talk with him and hear his voice. So I
was totally taken off guard when he sat up in his bed and grabbed my hand. I
couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth. He clearly says with his eyes and
voice, “Thanks for caring for me!” and even louder says, “I love you, I love
you, I love you.” These were the last words my dad said to me or anyone!
As I have attempted over the years to put back together the
puzzle of my parent’s lives I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to make
up with the stepsiblings or wayward uncle. I just want to relish my mom and
dad’s way of living. Yes, I miss their voices, the delicious meals and even the
arguments and fights. I’m blessed to have had such incredible parents!
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