Yesterday I visited a 90 year-old grandpa type whose house
we had painted five years ago. I remember Mr. Willis because his wife was in
the same rehab center as my dad after his last episode of some type of
pneumonia or something. My dad slowly recovered over a few weeks and returned
to his memory loss facility. Unfortunately, Mrs. Willis didn’t recover and Mr.
Willis’ life has never been the same. I drive around my neighborhood frequently
so I’ve seen him a few times over the last couple of years. So I know he was
surprised when I knocked on his door and shared the fact that we were going to
paint his house again. As his puppy sniffed and licked me I sensed that this
was a good thing to reconnect with this grandpa!
As I was driving around yesterday listening to Public Radio
there was a program that talked about mortality and the medical profession. The
point of the show was that there is such a gap between what matters most when
we age in the context of how we are treated by doctors when we face extreme
illnesses. The doctor that was interviewed had watched his mom and dad die from
cancer. His journey with his dad especially helped him understand that
treatment isn’t always what is best for the individual. His dad, who was a
doctor, eventually said for them to stop the chemo and allow him to live at
peace in his own home with his family around him.
The show talked a lot about Hospice and how hospitals are
starting to do a lot more with palliative care. The point of this blog is that as
I celebrate my mom and dad’s lives as I approach my dad’s one-year anniversary
of his passing and the seventh-year after my mom’s that life is different for
me. I’m learning that it’s time to live life to the max and not always be
trying to live for someone else and get away from being a people pleaser. As I
have faced cancer in my life and my wife’s life I know that no one is exempt
from tragedy and that it has nothing to do with whether you are moral, immoral
or amoral!
Just got off the phone with one of my favorite grandmas,
Mrs. Jefferson. She has been the inspiration for my life over the last 6 years.
I have watched her go through an unfortunate stroke that left her partially
paralyzed. Yet, over the years she has slowly improved and regained her ability
to talk clearly and is now able to get around with only the help of a cane.
She’s still very capable of driving back and forth to church and do her own
shopping. She has always been a great encourager and voice of reason for me!
The fact is that we live in a death denying culture that we
are afraid to have a DNR, a will or an emergency packet if something were to
happen to us. Yes life is viewed from birth to the grave as the essence of
being. I appreciate so many things much more as I have aged then when I was a
20 something. Having adult kids helps me see that life is truly a gift that
reflects the cycle of life that we see around us all of the time. We have
always had pets that ranged from cats, dogs, fish and our parrots. The reality
is that our main dog, Graham, is getting old and at 12 is like the grandpa I
visited this week. He is such a part of our lives that it will be tough to say
good-bye. We have walked or jogged literally hundreds of miles over the years.
I will attend a funeral of a close older friend on Saturday.
Her death was a total shock for all who knew her. She was a close friend of my
parents over the years. Her accidental fall that caused her death seemed to be
senseless and tragic. Yet, as a large group of friends of all ages reflect on
her life it will be evident that she was someone who showed her love for us in
both words and deeds. I will always remember her e-mails that would ask the
tough questions about my dad after my dad’s passing.
Yes, death is part of life much as seeing little babies
gives hope that tomorrow’s leaders will be more capable to impact and change
the world around us.
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