Bitter or Better?

What happens when you don’t deal with an issue at work, a spat with a neighbor or that disappointment with your kid? Too often we end up holding grudges that ultimately cause us to loose sleep, be irritable, act on edge and at times lose our temper for no reason? What happens when you don’t deal with anger or unresolved conflict? I don’t like to admit it to myself but I become someone I don’t like to be around. So why is it the case that so often most people don’t even consider the power of forgiveness but choose to hold a grudge?

I know that my mom was a proponent of saying, don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Her point, which isn’t easy to do, was deal with it as best as possible. The difficult lesson is that the longer I put off my harsh feelings about someone the more difficult it becomes to make amends or discover the power of letting it. The reality for some is that we become prisoners of bitterness that cripples us emotionally, spiritually and creates health issues ultimately.

I live and work purposely in an under resourced neighborhood where the law of the land isn’t to hold grudges but to express your anger by getting even, hurting someone or taking something from the offender to make it right. The difficulty with this type of get a bigger stick mentality is that it doesn’t end until someone is in the hospital or the morgue! I continue to argue with teens and adults who believe that the only solution to someone attacking them is to hit back and not stop until you win.

The power of forgiveness isn’t that you fix the situation but that you let go of what happened understanding that getting even, hurting that person or bad mouthing them doesn’t accomplish anything. What is scary is that when you don’t forgive the person that hurt you then they continue to have power over you because you do hold a grudge and allow bitterness to spoil you. It’s amazing how one rotten egg will ruin a fancy dessert.

It’s always interesting to watch the reaction of someone who is trying to attack you when you simply just walk away or choose not to argue any more. I admit that it is difficult not to respond via social media, a text or an e-mail when someone has bad mouthed me or taken advantage of me. I have to admit that it might feel good to let it out but ultimately it doesn’t resolve anything but make a bad situation even worse. So how I deal with a grudge isn’t by getting even but by putting the incident into perspective of whether it really is all that important. Often I will discover that I’m crying over spilled milk.

Yes, there are occasions where someone has seriously harmed me and the path to wholeness isn’t straightforward nor easy. It helps to talk with a friend or someone older who has experienced something similar in life to give you the encouragement you need to keep going and not allow this situation to bring your life to a halt. The choice is yours and mine to carry this heavy ominous grudge around or to simply let go, move on and have a better day not being controlled by the bully or abusive person in your life!