NO - isn't a bad word!

I just spent the last couple of hours talking with some college guys who have to make strategic decisions about life. This is more than what to wear or whether to get the Iphone 6 or 6 plus. The reality is that often you have to say NO to good things in order to do what is best in life. I often succumb to believing that being busy is a sign of both success and being spiritual in life. Yet, the outcome of being over booked is that you don’t have time for what is most important in life!

I laughed at one of my college guys who so much reminds me of myself. He 20 things happening all at once and still wanted to act as if he could be committed to helping me out in the summer with our program.  I gave him a fatherly rebuke and said he needed to list everything he did in the following week, which is way too much and then cut the list in half. I told him that he couldn’t do all of that well and ultimately he would miss out on what he is really suppose to do.

Another close friend and I got into a discussion about how you figure out what you are suppose to do with your life. I gave him my discussion on the bicameral mind or right vs. left brain types where some of us are naturally gifted with science/math brains and others are more gifted with humanities, English, writing and reading types of minds. The point wasn’t to say that you CAN’T attempt to do science but if you are better at reading or writing that it won’t come without a lot of hard work. So eventually you have to focus and choose to say no to things that are outside your skill set to be able to discover your ultimate passion in life.

I know that as a parent and at risk worker that it is so much easier not to say NO and just let stuff happens. Yet, most growth in life happens when you encounter difficult times and failure that force you to rethink what is it that you should really be doing.  I have watched myself and others end up in situations where you purposely put yourself in a circumstance where you are going to fail because you have ‘bit off too much’ or you’re attempting to do something that really isn’t you.  So the reality is that it is ok to fail and have someone at times say NO so that you can discover what you truly good at in life.

I was so fortunate to have parents who never told me I couldn’t attempt something at least once. Yes, I was able to persuade my dad to buy me my first electric guitar. My brother would give the story that I actually cried at the music store but regardless of the methodology I got my Stratocaster clone at 12. I believed for a period of time that being a rock god should be my life calling. Fortunately my dad’s influence, which was better than saying NO, helped me to pursue my real skill set of being someone that has a passion for doing community work that has both a science and philosophical education.

I’m around too many youth and adults that have always been told NO or that they aren’t capable because they aren’t superstars that have natural ability or talent. So there is a balance between never trying something because of your fear of failure and going overboard and truly believing that the world or God can go on without you!