Rejection - How do you handle it?

Yesterday one of my favorite little gals in our group celebrated her 10^th birthday! Initially she hadn’t decided whether she was going to be sexist or have her special day be co-ed. Eventually her mom, with my encouragement, made it a girl’s only affair. The downside to this was that I was the bearer of bad tidings for a group of little guys who so much wanted to attended her party. Yes, a few of them had crushes on her. The look on Kobi’s face could kill! The next day all of them are still alive and ready to enjoy the day even though they missed out on the party, cake and a bag of candy or two.

The story of my little friend’s party is just a normal life circumstance. The challenge comes when we as adults have to face real rejection. The opportunity is to see rejection, the closing of a door as a pathway to seeing maybe a better possibility for tomorrow. I know in my life that one of the most ego deflating experiences became the opportunity to pursue what I really loved in life. I was in the middle of a leadership crisis where a few of my leaders wanted me to leave my church. This didn’t necessarily feel like anything to celebrate. I was upset, confused and not sure how to respond. You always have an opportunity to lash out, listen, reflect inwardly or just become an angry person.  I did all of that over a period of time before I received some great advice and TLC from a few friends and my better half.

What I learned through personal rejection in my life is that often I need to take responsibility for my actions or lack there of to realize that there might be something better down the road. Yes, today might ‘suck’ but ultimately I can discover that my bruises will heal and I will actually become a stronger person who is more capable of rising above life’s pettiness. Yet, the misfortune many experience is that they allow the little things, like not being invited to someone’s party or being fired as an excuse to play the victim card. This then gives us the rationale to go into hiding, pretend that we aren’t feeling great and then disappear into bitterness and hide inwardly to avoid everyone.

I had a totally different situation where a good friend had applied to get a better job and a pathway to a better life circumstances. The assumption was that because her others friends had gotten the job that it would be a slam-dunk. I was eagerly awaiting the acceptance e-mail and time for interview. The sad fact is that this person received the hey you have great qualifications letter but the present position is filled. So rejection and a sense of hopelessness followed for my friend. The difficulty was that my consoling him or her didn’t help. My personal stories or other life experiences didn’t make the job become open.

So what is your usual response to rejection? Yes, most of us get mad, throw a pity party, scream at the cat, dog or our kid and then usually retreat back into our caves. (This is especially true for guys!) The opportunity is to take a day or so to let it roll off of you and then go back at it with more determination and persistence than ever. There isn’t any formula for turning rejection into success or believing that you will feel better about yourself after a good night’s rest. I know that many would agree that choosing to break out of your normal routine will help you process the hurt. It doesn’t mean that it will go away very soon. Yes, tomorrow is always an opportunity to decide to help someone and get your emotions off of your hurt and maybe discover that there is someone close to you that is hurting more than you.

Bottom line is that all of us will experience rejection at times. This is just part of the human condition. The opportunity is to allow the rejection to make us stronger and more capable of living life to it’s fullest. So forget retreating back into your cave or allowing Netflix to become your life!