Didn’t see this coming!

Life has no guarantees and is full of surprises. I recently had a text message and then a couple of phone calls from friends alerting me to a mutual friend who had been in a serious cycling accident. I had no idea that the next week would be a roller coaster ride where my emotions would fly all over the place. I’ve already had the privilege and honor of being with my parents as they faced their own lives downward spiral in their 80’s. I still cry when I hear music that reminds me of my mom. My dad’s situation is a little different in that he lived with us and close to us the last 4 years of his fading away as memory loss took over.

I wasn’t prepared to see someone who had become committed to getting in shape by losin 40 pounds and had become an avid cyclist experience heart breaking tragedy. At the urging of a long distant friend I went to visit our friend who almost broke his neck in this serious accident. I wasn’t prepared to see someone almost paralyzed joke around and be more concerned about church business and my life then his own. I usually want to avoid thinking about my own passing or circumstances that will surround it. I found myself in the middle of lots of people asking questions about life, God, what’s going to happen to his wife and what happens to a church whose pastor dies too soon?

After my initial first visit and having the great opportunity to listen and ask questions to my friend’s surgeon it seemed as if life would unfold with a future and a hope of riding a bike again. Yet, I totally understood why the staff and family didn’t want any visitors over the weekend. I had a close friend that lived an hour plus away decide to come visit on Monday so we decided to go together. I would never have fathomed in my life that our joking around and laughing with our dear friend would be his last in this life.

I was bold and asked our friend who was prone in your typical hospital bed if it was ok to take a picture and more importantly have him say something for his family and friends. Amazingly he was up for the video and told a joke and spoke about his making a full recovery and getting back on his bike.

I reflected with my friend during lunch after our visit how fragile life is and how easy it is to take everything for granted. I had little sense that our friend would decline over the night and be gone to his heavenly home the next day. I was aghast as I received a text from a close friend about his death. I was in tears, stunned, shocked, upset and left with the WHY feeling. At first I thought I could continue with my normal routine but quickly came to the conclusion that my friend demanded my full attention. I canceled the evening plans and fielded questions from a group of local pastor friends. I was an emotional train wreck.

What struck me was how so many of my friends always go the extra mile and don’t care about the impact, time, expense or anything. Giving and caring are at the forefront. This was or I should say is the hallmark of my friend Mark Rowden. His first comment to me when I first visited wasn’t about his accident, future but about some technical business on a church level. I laughed at him but I realized it was his way of showing me concern for my future.

I had sent out FB messages an e-mail to a larger group of pastor friends to share the journey of our brother. As I processed what had happened I was still in shock and on the verge of tears for the remainder of the evening. I had an e-mail from a close older friend who helped me be more real with the reaction of tears and the WHY question to God and myself.

I’m thankful for good friends who help with the ‘didn’t see it coming’ experience with choosing to be there and not pretending to be busy. Much as one of the nurses had mentioned in the hallway is that the greater need isn’t when someone is in the ICU but when they’ve been out in rehab for months. In this context, it will be choosing to be involved with a grieving widow who is wondering about her life and future.

I want to thank my friend Mark for his living example of being a servant leader that followed Christ until his own homecoming!