Tough LIfe?

I know that looking back at my life I had it easy. I didn’t live through a divorce or an abusive dad or any real crisis. I grew up in a middle class family where I usually got anything that I wanted. Yeah, my younger brother would say that I was the spoiled one that got everything I wanted and he was always left out. I on the other hand would say that I was the one who got a job in the 10^th grade and actually had 4 jobs during my high school summers that enabled me to buy my first car. I could brag and say that I actually paid for my Fiat Spider all by myself and that the parents didn’t help at all. The simple facts are that both of my brothers and I grew up in a great home where we received the normal love and understanding of two parents.

Last night we had a good friend who is our daughter’s friend and age share about her life story. The group of teens that listened and watched this good friend share assumed that because she was ‘White’ that she couldn’t ever have had any problems like they are experiencing in their lives right now. I knew a little about Harmony’s life but never expected to hear the ‘real’ story to such an extent that all of the teens had their eyes glued to her as she shared.

Most of the kids we have in our group come out of tough circumstances where there is typically a single parent who has always struggled with providing the necessities in life. So as Harmony shared her story she dove right into the fact that her dad disappeared when she was very young and didn’t care about her at all. This clearly got the attention of some of the teens. They quickly asked how she felt about him and whether she was still mad at him for never being there. She continued to share stories about him eventually wanting to connect to a story about him not following through.

My wife will remind me not to reveal or focus too much on the bad stuff. Yet, as Harmony shared her story, it was a series of really tough things that forced her and the brothers to grow up way too soon. I can’t fathom having a mom that remarries a guy who pulls her into drugs and then is abusive to all. I was raised in a very loving and caring environment where I never questioned my parent’s ability to relate to each other and then to be consistent with loving us and providing for us. The reality for our young friend is that she watched her mom go down hill and then eventually was kicked out of the house for not helping pay the rent at the age of 15.

I know what it is like to be around people who have a tough outer shell and are very slow to let others see their pain. What shocked me was how our friend was totally honest and allowed a few of our teens to see her pain and hurt which is still there. The question came from a few who had ‘deadbeat’ dads or moms that never followed through. How am I suppose to respect someone who is never there or has never provided for me as a young kid growing up? Harmony didn’t have any easy answers for any of these questions and the pain that they truly represented.

I could have listened for hours to her story. I had no idea how much had happened to her even since we had met 6 years ago. Eventually her mom leaves the step-dad who has been horrible to all. Harmony moves to Phoenix because of her older brother and gets involved with doing work in the Juvenile Detention Center where she meets our daughter. It is through her work with harden youth that I believe God begins to soften her heart to help her better understand living with brokenness and what has to happen to become whole again.

The story comes to a crisis with her mom having a heart attack that forces her and the older brother to go visit mom who lives in Chicago. The bottom line is that Harmony and her brother really hadn’t ever worked through anything with their mom who had hurt both of them in serious ways. Yet, they were there at her bedside as it became clear that she wasn’t going to recover and would die from her stroke soon. I could see the real desire of Harmony to talk with her mom both about the bad stuff and how she had chosen to not be like her parents. The sad fact is that her mom never regained consciousness and died the following day after they arrived. The step dad was furious at them for making decisions without his input, even though they had been divorced for sometime.

Harmony came back to Phoenix a broken and very upset person. It was through a friend’s invite to attend church that she slowly discovered the arms of a loving God who had been there her whole life but she had never experienced a peace that helped her put everything into perspective. She was quick to say that the past still hurts and that nothing had been fixed but she was able to rise above that with God’s help. As we finished with watching the dust storm continue with the potential of rain all of us were ‘shell shocked’ at what she had experienced in her life.

My hope and prayer was truly answered because Harmony shared from her heart and didn’t hold anything back. I knew that a few of my teens could see that there is hope in their circumstances that seemed pretty much the same as this ‘White Girl’ that looked like she had everything together. We picked up the outside furniture at this Starbucks and neatly stacked everything inside the store. I handed Harmony a gift card for a frap or latte, as a thank you for helping a few see that life can get better when you trust God.