I have had the privilege of working in Urban Phoenix over
the last 6 years. It has been during this time that I have especially come to
see the role and importance of fathers in the home. I can’t fathom want it
would be like to grow up without a dad. I have had numerous youth live with us
over the last 5 years and it continues to hit me that one of the missing pieces
to understanding life’s puzzle is having a male role model in your life. (Everyone has a mom who is there but not
everyone has a dad.)
As a kid growing up my dad was always there for me. I can’t
relate to my New City kids where most of them don’t have dads and if they do
they are either in prison or deadbeat dads. One of my teens who is living with
me is struggling with whither she should re-connect with her dad now that he
has been released from prison. The challenge is that he is an alcoholic who
tends to do crazy things. Yet, my teen wants to take him out to lunch and even
consider living with him.
My dad took the time to encourage me and show me in bits and
pieces what is required to figure out life. He is the one who inspired me to
want to be a learner and a doer. I can remember him buying me my first
instrument. I have to confess that this wasn’t an electric guitar but an
accordion. It was after he got a guitar that I stole his and became a rock and
roller. It was during my music or band phase as a teen that he took the time
and spent the money to get me a Heath kit Vox Combo Organ. I can remember all
27 circuit boards that we had to assemble. This required weeks of work and many
late nights. Yet, he finished this and it became part of my rock band for the
last part of my teen years.
I can remember when my dad would leave for extended periods
of time during the Vietnam War, he flew B-52’s and was stationed in Southeast
Asia, that he would tell me that I was the man of the house and expected me to
stand up for mom and my brother Mark. It was during his last tour of duty that
my younger brother Scott was born. I was a freshman in High School and this was
a difficult pregnancy for my mom because she was older. My dad had helped me
grow up fast because of his military duty.
I will always remember when I told my dad about my Anne
after having met her at a week long Inter Varsity Bible Camp in the Santa Cruz
area. I told him I was thinking of asking her to marry me. Looking back I was
shocked that he said the following, “If you truly love her than she must be a
very special person, so ask her the question!” My dad has always been a special
friend and help to Anne and I. My mom, who is now in heaven, truly loved Anne
but was your typical mother in-law that wanted to always re-arrange our kitchen
and assumed she still knew me better than Anne even though I had lived with
Anne now longer than with her. (She still assumed that Mr. Goodbars were my
favorite candy bar and not mikyways.)
My dad taught me the most in life as I watched him care for
my dying mom over a period of 10 years. I can’t fathom the pain and heartache
he experienced watching his lady slowly drift away over a period of a couple of
years. He was always very guarded and protective of my mom or his lady. I
reacted to this because he would reject much help that was offered by friends
and even act as if he didn’t want food or special gifts. He wanted to make sure
that mom had the best and wasn’t put in a position of feeling even worse
because of friend’s reactions to her condition. It took me some time to
understand why he was this way but looking back it makes so much sense.
I know that being the oldest in the family that I was the
favored son. My closer brother in age, Mark, always felt like he was last. I
admit that there is a lot of truth in this because I was more like dad in
following through with school, staying married, having kids and pursuing a
career that was more acceptable then doing music. My dad encouraged me to go to
college and pursue my dreams. I am a little surprised that he didn’t try to
persuade me to go into the Air Force or became an aviator. He was ok with me
doing science and then ultimately doing church work and going to grad school.
The night my mom died will always be a fresh part of my
memory. I knew during the last 6 months of her life that one day I would get a
call. It made it very hard for me to answer the phone, especially late at
night. I so much wanted to be around her when she died but I knew that wouldn’t
be the case. I am so thankful that my younger brother, Scott, had the privilege
of spending the last night with mom. My dad, who was overly protective, asked
Scotty to watch mom so he could go shopping. Little did Scott know at the time
that this would be his last time with our mom.
The phone rang around 3 am. I didn’t really know what to
expect from my dad. I didn’t know if he would be sobbing and emotional spent
or? I was shocked to hear him talk in a spiritual high type of expression. I
know that my dad is a true believer who did give his woman to the Lord and
trust that her departure would be one that was best for her. He was elated and
talked about seeing, feeling and experiencing the presence and power of God
when she left. I’m crying as I write this so I don’t know how he was able to
maintain composure but he did. I know he did cry eventually but for the
following couple of weeks he was on a spiritual high.
I have become my dad’s special friend in a way that wasn’t
possible when I was a teen with him being gone on combat duty or as he cared
for his ailing wife. I have become his advocate and best friend over the last 3
years. It hasn’t been easy to watch someone I idolized as a kid be stricken
with Alzheimer’s but I’m beginning to appreciate the silly little times now of
going to the mall, eating hot dogs or expensive ice cream or pushing him
through the aquarium in his wheel chair. I’m so thankful that he will get to
see all of my kids get married and most likely become a great-grandpa also.
So as my dad celebrates his 83rd birthday I’m so
thankful to God for giving me a dad that has always been there and cared
regardless of what crazy things I happened to be doing. I love you dad!
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