Broken - leave me alone I don't want to be fixed by you!

I can remember as a little kid listening to my mother read me different nursery rhymes. She typically used a book that had lots of pictures. I’m not sure whether the pictures got more of my attention then her voice. My dad, on the other hand, had a very captivating voice that I enjoyed hearing. One of the lessons or morals that stood out was that life isn’t always perfect and that some times bad things happen to good people. My dad, who grew up around poverty and racism, would also mention that on occasion good things would happen to bad people. I can remember when I was younger and upset thinking that life really isn’t fair! Why does someone else always seem to get the things I want?

I know now as an adult that life isn’t fair. Today a couple of people got the winning numbers for the Powerball. They will split over $550 million, which even after taxes is an unfathomable amount. I know that money doesn’t necessarily make things better nor put back together broken lives. There have been a few studies done on jackpot winners and a few books have been written. The unfortunate reality is that many of these big time winners become big time losers. Many end up worse off than they were before. Some even end up taking their lives because of the impact of being used by family and friends.

I had a great morning being able to help a good friend with a new used leather couch for her living room. I was able to meet with a best friend and partner with community work afterwards at one of our Starbucks. We talked about the great need to communicate, partner better together and figure out how to help spread a kingdom mindset. I live in a world where the haves don’t have a clue of what it would be like to have your power or water turned off. I can’t imagine going to bed hungry at night or not knowing where you were going to sleep the next day.

I know that it is very difficult for me to truly admit to myself, others and God that I’m not totally together and that I’m just as mixed up as anyone else. The challenge for most of us is that it is so much easier to point the finger and attempt to be about fixing everyone else. I think Jesus said something like don’t worry about the speck in your brother’s eye but take care of the plank in your own eye first.

I struggle with knowing how to help someone who is in a tough situation while not ultimately hurting them. It is so easy to truly think that more money, another car, money on an empower card or rushing to help really helps. I had someone text a day ago asking for help with their water bill. I am willing to help a little if the individual also pays towards the bill. The challenge for me is when the bill hasn’t been paid for months and there is a disconnect fee and a turn on fee. I always ask the obvious, why didn’t you talk to me a week ago instead of waiting to the last minute. I went online to see if I could help with the bill but the account was frozen.

We take our dogs for a daily walk on the canal trail close to our house. We love doing this because there is an open field where the dogs can run and we get a sense of being out in the country. South Mountain Park is in the backdrop with these mountains giving a sense of God’s grandeur. Our dogs will go wild running and chasing each other. The last couple of days the canal was actually drained to the point that most of the fish, which are huge, either have died or attempted to get into the next canal section. Anne and I were quit annoyed with the local utility company for doing this without helping these 2-3 foot long Carp have a new home. Instead we saw fish that were dying scattered all over the place. Anne wanted to dive into the muck to rescue them. I am glad that she restrained herself for once.

I know that the needs of those around us can be overwhelming to actually see and not have a solution that helps brings wholeness to where brokenness has ruled a life time. I have a few in my group that always seem to be close to the edge. I know that I have made some bad choices in my life that have hurt my family, others and myself. I have been so blessed to always have my parents, special friends or an amazing wife be there to help and bail me out. Yet, for some of my friends there isn’t this type of safety net available so they fall and continue to get hurt. Just like a wound that isn’t treated properly and becomes infected to the point where life can be in jeopardy.

So do I pay the delinquent water bill that is way too high? Is it ok to get another bus pass for one of my teens that always loses stuff? I get phone calls from one guy to bring him food. If I tell him to walk over and get a meal he balks at having to walk a mile. I have another mom who is working but because of circumstances beyond her control has a new job that pays half of her old job.  It is so much easier for me to help her because she is trying to make it without help. I don’t want to end up with the common mindset that there are some that are worthy of God’s mercy and grace and others that deserve the mess they have chosen.

The reality is that I’m a sinner that is lost and without God’s intervention in my life I would be totally  “screwed”. (Pardon the expression) It wasn’t my doing that I was placed in my family, married an awesome person with a great family or have almost perfect kids. So my response shouldn’t be look at how good I am in comparison to so and so but rather a big thanks to God and how can I share what I have been given. It is only with this attitude and better life choices that brokenness can be turned into wholeness.