I have lived most of my life on the edge where I’m dependent
upon others to see my passion be lived out. I know that we aren’t supposed to
worry about anything and that God provides. Yet, the reality is that often God
chooses to use people that aren’t necessarily dependable to accomplish his
purposes. I have to raise funds to do our neighborhood work. My salary and
future are dependent upon a few faithful supporters that are so amazing. It has
been 8 years since I had what would be deemed a normal job. I love what I do
and the freedom to live out my passion, yet at times I have that proverbial
dream that I’m broke, can’t pay bills and don’t have the means to help my kids,
teens or adults in my community.
I know that Jesus himself tried to get his disciples to look
around them to discover how the birds of the air don’t seem to toil or have
nervous breakdowns and live perfectly content lives, yet, we seem to worry
about every detail. It isn’t easy to trust God for anything whether it is
deemed little or big. I have some friends and family that are the perpetual
worrier types and drive me crazy. They don’t seem able to relax and step back
and see the bigger picture.
I’m learning that happiness isn’t what I’m actually after. I
know that there will be days where I’m stressed, disappointed and even upset at
some injustice that will drive me to the edge. I will have kids and teens that
I have great hopes for seem to hit bottom and go through a melt down. Yet, as I
age and live my life in reverse at times I can see in the bigger picture that
God is truly amazing, is trustworthy and does keep His promises regardless of
my faithfulness. What is more important isn’t my happiness level but whether I
have the inner sense of confidence that God is in control and will be there
regardless of the weather, traffic, bank account or foolish choices I make.
I have learned to pray the prayer that Jesus taught his
disciples more often over the last decade. I know that just as God provides for
my duck family that I feed each day he also provides for me in a variety of
ways that I need to step back at times and be better at considering. I have
gotten into the habit of taking pictures of the sunrise all of the time. (It
could be perceived also as sunsets.) These pictures help me sense the immense
greatness of the creation and also in many ways how small I happen to be, yet,
how God truly cares about me that little spec on planet earth. This gives me
hope that the future will be better and that I have lived through some rather
difficult circumstances that I have come to see what is really important in
life.
Why is it the case that I still continue at times worry
about finances, the future and getting my way? It is just good old human nature
that forces to always look inward and not be as quick to say thanks to God, my
wife, family and friends. It is so much easier to complain and nit pick than it
is to say thanks and become a person with an attitude of gratitude. So Bobby
McFerrin does have a point with pushing the envelope by saying DON’T WORRY!
Jesus also said that worrying wouldn’t ever produce anything
good except stress and ulcers. My choice is how I approach each morning and
whether I choose joy over anxiety. So look at the sunrise or for me my duck
family and realize how good I actually have it and stop making a mountain out a
molehill!
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