I’ve had the unique experience of being someone’s special
helper for a season and then at other times end up being at odds with the
person. I know that most people, myself included, tend to be people pleasers.
The reality for me is if I intend to be a real advocate for an individual in
need, youth or adult, I know that I can end up having to express tough love and
have real boundaries. I have had some of the craziest things happen to me
because I choose to be in the middle of crisis situations where there is
collateral damage and at times it falls on me.
I know that not everyone is thrilled when you rock the boat
or choose to stand up for those not capable of helping themselves. I spent the
last six years of my life being my father’s advocate because of his Dementia.
He was no longer able to do his normal routine between finances, caring for
himself and figuring out what in the past were routine decisions. I know that
when he lived in assisted living it would have been vary easy for him to be
overcharged for his care. I caught myself a few times being rather irritated
with someone that did an assessment totally incorrect and raised his expense
for his living when nothing had changed. I had to talk with the supervisor to
correct the error.
It is even more difficult to choose to be an advocate for a
child or teen that has been neglected or abused. It means that you have to
stand up for what is best for the child or teen regardless of what family or
others think is ok. I understand the struggle that everyone has with employment
and transportation. The reality is that it is never ok to leave kids unattended
by an adult regardless of what is happening with moms, grandmas or aunties. I
turn into a monster when I see kids around drugs and the party scene because a
parent or guardian still chooses to live like a teenager.
It is difficult to know when it is time to stand up and do
something instead of helping and watching from a distance. I have had a couple
of circumstances in the last six months where I have asked my police friends
what’s the line between interfering and helping. I know in one situation I helped a young lady
make some important choices which ultimately helped her get away from someone
that had become toxic in her life. It wasn’t easy to follow through with all of
this but I know that this individual is now able to focus on life in a more
normal fashion.
It is unfortunate that when one person is helped usually
there is another person who is offended and tends to react. I’ve had someone
actually take out an order of protection against me because of helping their
teens. This was the craziest experience having a Phoenix PD knock on my door at
three am and serve me papers. This meant that I had to go to court and contest
this ludicrous action on the part of a jealous parent. I had to ask a couple of
friends help me with references and actually go to court. I knew ultimately
that this person wouldn’t show up because what had been said was totally false.
It was wrong to have wasted the court’s
time and spent resources that could have been better used.
I find myself in too many circumstances where there is real
need that is always close to having to intervene on someone’s behalf. I
understand that it is so much easier to ignore pretend that it really isn’t
that bad. We attend the graduation dinner of one of our 8th graders
this last week. One of my close friends who is also a mentor and tutor to a
group of girls shared some of her concerns while we were enjoying a great
dinner. It again struck me how great the needs are around me and how difficult
it is to know the right course of action. My friend had gone way beyond what is
normal help and struggled with the next step. Sometimes the next step is calling
the police, CPS, talking to a teacher, pastor or grandparent.
The last couple of weeks I find myself in the middle of
helping a group of kids I truly love. It is too easy to be idealistic and think
that I have the time, energy and resources to help all. Yet, the reality is
that I have to be selective in what I do otherwise nothing will happen that
actually is effective in making a difference. I’m sitting in an office waiting
for someone to see some of my kids I’m helping. While I’m doing this I get a text
from a mom that doesn’t have the means to pay her utility bill. I’m willing to
help one time for something that requires cash and isn’t food. I know that the
summers are brutal in Phoenix so to not have your power on is unacceptable.
Yes, I will be quick to admit that I’m a sinner only saved
or salvaged by God’s incredible gift of grace through Jesus Christ. I know that
at times people may view individuals as saints but the reality is I’m not!
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