Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Mr Mom or I like being a dad

Yesterday was supposed to be a day off but turned into a let’s get the house more organized, go through 20 boxes of books, sort a master closet, go to Goodwill or least empower Terrance to do that and then clean the house after having a BBQ with 50 bodies slimming the bathrooms and tile floors. I will be the first to admit that I love being able to do things that help my wife and family. I knew that my Anne, who is really sick and had to work, would be re-leaved to see the house cleaned and the closets cleaned out. The real goal was to get the garage back in shape to pull the truck in at night. The great news was that the truck fit even though it is just by an inch or so.

Last night I wanted to collapse and not go anywhere or do anything. So when my daughter the gourmet cook offered a free meal it wasn’t too difficult of a choice. We had been busy the last 5 nights in a row but we do want to promote family time with our grown kids. I knew that Anne would enjoy being with our Julie but really needed to be home in bed.

As we pulled into the condo complex and found a parking spot I was looking forward to some great soup and an early evening. As we knocked on the door it was a great surprise to see one of our daughter’s friends who is part of our ‘family’ also. We joked a little and then sat and enjoyed some home made bread and hot soup. It was the perfect combination. We did the usual table chat that wasn’t too deep or revealing.

It was after we finished the gourmet soup that we sat down and sort of watched the TV and the Alcatraz Pilot. As I talked with my Julie’s friend I had remembered that she had transitioned from her job at the Detention Center to being a paralegal. We had met her lawyer boss who was also her roommate at Christmas. I had listened to how their law firm had split. So I jokingly asked her how the divorce was going and what was happening. She instead thought I had been talking about her ex and the circumstances around him. I wasn’t expecting a time of confession and her opening up but that’s what happened. All of a sudden I realize that between having her ex take her to the cleaners, lose their house, have her mom die and be responsible for the funeral expenses that she was hurting big time.

My dad side does kick in often. Our hearts were broken with this story of someone that wanted to do things right but everyone was literally against her. She tried to work with her lender to get her house situation fixed but the more she tried the more obvious it wasn’t going to happen. Much like her financial mess wasn’t from high living or shopping at Macy’s or Neman Marcus. I’m no financial expert but have learned from experience to get rid of the credit cards and stop spending what you don’t have. Get an emergency fund established before you do anything else. It’s amazing to be able to pay cash for something and not spread it over months of a credit card payment.

We mostly talked about her running the ½ marathon the day before. Life kinda fits into this running paradigm. If we are going to run a full marathon we need to get into training for at least 4 months in advance. The way you do everything changes and your view of spare time, what you eat and how you rest become very important. It is true that life is both mental and physical. As we finished our dessert and discussion Anne and I wanted to kidnap our other daughter and give her some loving. I know what it is like to lose your mom but not what it is like to lose both mom and your spouse.

After we arrived home I knew that I had to get my Anne to bed but I still had to play taxi for Terrance and Toniel who were over. It had been a busy day but finished on a great note with being able to listen and love on a 20 something kid that needed a hug and a mom and dad.

No comments:

Post a Comment