Difference?

I live in a world that has many different cultures that intersect and make life very interesting, exciting and scary. I married into a cross-cultural family. My wife grew up in Pakistan and was definitely not an American and more British in her mannerisms and mindset. I grew up in a military home where I had some sense of America’s place in the world and understood a little the notion of respect towards those who are different. My Anne came to the States with a chip on her shoulder about her view of America and people like me that represented a culture that seemed to be totally self-absorbed and incapable of relating to others that were different. I initially agreed a little with her assessment but have come to see that we all have our culture blinders on that make it difficult to understand someone else’s circumstances in life.

I know that there are choices in life all of us make that will at times separate us from even our families and close friends. My hope in writing and thinking out loud is to help myself first see my need to be more accepting of those I don’t know well or understand and be less quick to judge or write someone off. It is easy when you are the outsider to walk into a room of what appear to be strangers and feel like you are an alien that is in a foreign place. I don’t speak much Spanish but have lived around the Hispanic Culture most of my adult life. I have degrees from colleges that were primarily Anglo, yet I ended up doing concrete work for a significant part of my life which was mostly Hispanic. I learned real quick like that I couldn’t assume that because I was White that I had the best way to do anything.

Yeah, it is easy to judge those who look, talk and act differently from us. I know that often misunderstanding is what leads to fear and prejudice. What I have enjoyed is learning that ultimately all human beings have similar needs, desires and dreams, yet the way in which we express these can be very different. I know that my Anne grew up with the dinner table being a conversation fest with lots of tea being drunk. I grew up with the dinner table being more a time of silence and listening to the parents. The goal in the end with both was a sense of family and the importance of eating together.

I know that what we do with New City – Barrio will push some as they re-act to the lifestyle differences between cultures. If you are a quiet person you will be a little surprised by the loudness of some. If you are a naturally peaceful type you will be shocked by the quickness of some to stand up for their rights and be loud thinking that will solve problems. Just the same if you have been raised in a more normal family setting understanding respect, thankfulness and a willingness to jump in and help will be natural. If you have grown up in a family without a dad and have a mom that has a continuous stream of live-in boyfriends your life will be based on fear and mistrust.

We all have different views of what is important in life. I was meeting with my dad’s group homeowner, who is Romanian. As we talked about expectations for our kids it was clear that she made education a very high goal. As we talked I know that it was easy for her to see that as an all or nothing type of expectation for her son. The challenge is that many today aren’t really college material nor have any sense of what they want to do. I explained in my life experience we had a Hispanic teen live with us whose mom wanted him to get a job and not go to college. In this young teen’s world going to school wasn’t as important as getting a job to help provide for the family in the present tense.  We helped him attend a local Jr. College and then he attended S.F. State and graduated and has taught English to High School Students for 25 years. Yet, I know that his mom didn’t understand why we were pushing for him to stay in school.

I recently met with a new friend that was one of those ‘God’ thing type of experiences. He’s a friend of a new friend of mine who is interested in really helping us become more sustainable in what we are doing. I’m always humbled to be around people who have ‘made it’ financially but are all about helping others. I was thrilled to talk with someone who didn’t allow differences to separate himself from others. We were going to meet just the two of us at a Starbucks, my normal spot but instead did a kid meeting at McDonalds. I brought a couple of my kids that could be wild at times and he brought his daughters.

My hope is to create opportunities where many can walk across cultural boundaries and experience life in a totally different context.  I married a third culture person who has so enriched my life. Yeah, I love eating curry and obviously any type of Mexican dish is my dream come true. After spending a few days in St. Louis I was reminded by my cousins that it is also easy for people to overly react to the differences of those around us. He shared how his parent’s racism had impacted his life. I too have memories of different relatives who at times shocked me with their quickness to judge others who were different and than make ultimatums that created real brokenness and heart ache.

Our hope at New City is to see wholeness and restoration come to where there is  brokenness. So often brokenness in today’s world is a by-product of spiritual and racial separation. If I’m raised to believe that people of a certain race are all bad then I most likely will believe this until I meet someone that changes my view of this person. It is also easy in today’s godless societies to truly believe that materialism is all there is to life. It isn’t until we face death or some tragedy that we start rethinking our view of life, death and the future.

My hope is that our differences would bring us together and not separate us or cause us to fight.