I just returned from having 2 days in Paradise or I mean San
Diego. The weather was cool, like 70ish. I was able to spend time with my
in-laws and attend my niece’s graduation. I had a quick opportunity to at least
drive to the beach, La Jolla Cove, my favorite spot to just sit and enjoy the
panoramic views of the ocean and the coastline. The purpose of the trip was to
attend my niece’s graduation and represent her dad and brother who had deserted
her for the summer to teach a language school in Costa Rica.
I wish there was a way to put time on hold. It seems like
only yesterday that my niece was like 3 years old and my mom, grandma, was
taking care of her while my brother was in school and Veronica was working.
Either I’m shrinking or my Marissa has grown up like almost overnight. I know
it is popular for all of the girls to wear heals that make them almost 4-6
inches taller so I felt dwarfed by most of the Jr. High graduates as we watched
from our chairs and then waited outside to get our graduate.
I know that one of the most difficult transitions in life is
when your kid is no longer a kid and they push you away. I can remember asking
my mom to walk behind me whenever we went somewhere. I didn’t want her talking
to my friends or making fun of me. There is a fine line between giving your
teen space, too much room or smothering them. I will always remember my dad’s
discussion on why he wouldn’t let me start dating at 16. He would say that he
wasn’t ready to trust me with another person in the car. I would argue or
politely discuss whether I was someone who he could trust. Ultimately my mom
intervened when my dad was away on a flight and gave me the keys to the car and
said go! I was so totally jazzed and thankful that my mom did trust me.
Yet, as I surveyed the audience of parents and grandparents
at this Jr. High graduation I had a sense that most were kept under fairly
tight reigns and didn’t come and go as they pleased. I know that my niece and
nephew are pushing the limits at times. Everyone is different as to how they do
this. We all want to be our own person, think our way, believe our way and then
not be controlled by anyone especially our parents. I know that my Anne and I
fought at times as to how much to do for our kids as they aged and went from
teens to twenty somethings. It isn’t easy to watch someone you love make poor
choices, fail or disagree with your foundational beliefs in life.
It isn’t easy to trust your kids with their future and let
God be the ultimate one who guides, directs and helps when you aren’t there. I know
that I challenged both my mom and dad’s way of living. I was a rebellious teen
when it came to my hair and choice of music and the decibel level. I did
respect my dad’s hard work he had accomplished in the Air Force; I just didn’t
want to be in a situation where I had to conform to someone without any ability
to question. It is so easy when you are younger to really believe that the
world revolves around you and that anyone older just doesn’t get it. Surprise,
as you get older and discover that old people actually know lots and can be
trustworthy.
I know there is a tension between providing a stable and
guarded environment for our kids to grow up around and discover the real
meaning of life. The challenge is that we don’t want our little precious Johnny
or Susie to ever experience hardship, failure and any type of evil. Yet, the
world around us that we are trying to protect them from is ultimately within
each of us. The jealousy, hatred or anger that I believe I can shield from my
child is actually present within their own nature. The more I try to insulate
them from the world the more I set them up to want to discover on their own the
things which I oppose. If someone said NO, then I automatically wanted to find
out why they said no. Just in the same sense if someone was excited about
something I wanted to know what made them that way and always looked at the
alternative position.
Jesus spent most of his ministry life with his 12 showing
them in practical expressions how to be servant leaders. Yet, as he approached
the end of his ministry the brothers, James and John, asked if they could sit
on his right and left in heaven. The other disciples were furious and ready to
attack the brothers. They were jealous and wanted the same opportunity. Yet,
Jesus was pretty clear if you wanted to be first you had to be last, if you
wanted to be famous then be a servant of all. The hope of special treatment
because of knowing Jesus really wasn’t going to happen. I know it is difficult to admit that to find
myself at times I have to be willing to loose myself.
So yes just as I was a rebellious teen I shouldn’t expect my
niece or nephew or future grandkids to be much different. Also as I can look
back on my life and see that I learned some fairly amazing truths in life
without my mom looking over my shoulder so my niece and nephew will also learn
life lessons at times without me or my brother being present. It isn’t easy to
watch someone you love make poor choices or get hurt but it is through falling
down and getting up that I discover how great my parents happened to have been
and now how great is my God!
No comments:
Post a Comment