I Don't Like Good-Byes!

Change is one of the more difficult aspects of life that I was forced at a very young age to adapt quickly. I was born into a military family where we moved every couple of years. I was so fortunate to have a mom that was an expert both in moving and adapting to a new home setting. She was the one who taught me the important life lesson of seeing that change is just part of life. I will never be someone that can point to a single house as where I grew up and lived until going to college and getting married. I lost track of how many different house I lived in through my teen years. (Something like 20 or so!)

I have been taught that saying good-bye is a natural part of life and that I should just ‘suck it’ up and deal with it. Yet, as I reflect on my dad’s 85^th birthday today one of the most difficult aspects of my adult life was knowing that there would be a day when I would say good-bye to him. It was something that I knew was going to happen, especially with his dementia. I was shocked a little by his rapid decline over a few days, not weeks or at least a month. There was a side to me that I wanted to avoid having this happen. I had taken him out on a Tuesday for a milk shake and a ride. That day I could tell that he wasn’t himself. He didn’t talk much or actually drink his shake or eat his fries. It was the following Thursday morning that I received a concerned call from his care center.

So as I take some time to look at one of my favorite pics of him it helps me say thanks to a man that greatly impacted my life! He taught me so much about being thankful for all things. He was my hero who came to the aid of my dying mom over a decade. His dementia made it a very interesting journey as we went from adult kids to caregiver. He initially rebelled at my ‘heavy handed’ care. He would accuse me of trying to be his BOSS and his DAD. I would chuckle to myself and he would get even more incensed. Overall his dementia helped him to become kind and gentle.

It was my dad’s purposeful good-bye to me that has left a mark on my life that I will remember until my last day. It was just a few days after I had taken him out for his usual milkshake and fries that I knew would be his last day. I was very apprehensive with going to see him because I didn’t want to face the ultimate good-bye. Yet, as I walked into his room he was on his bed totally sacked out. As I said hi to him he took my hand rather forcefully. He looked at me squarely in the eyes and said in a rather loud voice, ‘I love you David!’ and ‘I want to thank you for your care of me.’ As you can imagine I was in tears knowing that this would be the last time he would talk to me.

This has become an incredible life defining moment for me. I’m so thankful that God orchestrated this and allowed me to have a glimpse into heaven through my dad’s passing. I know that mom and him will celebrate his day with the angels and other family and friends. This still doesn’t make it any easier to say good-bye to special friends or circumstances where change is just a fact of life. So I don’t have any one, two or three on how to face your next good-bye. As a good friend would say, ‘This too shall pass!’ I will cry a little and think of some of my dad’s life that will bring that special smile that he would often glow around me in his later days. I love you dad! Thanks for being the person that has helped me become who I am!