As I get older it becomes more difficult not to be cynical
and assume the worse. The governor of Missouri decided to declare a state of
emergency before the Grand Jury delivers a verdict about whether there will be
an indictment. I just walked out of a small court room after having an order
against me dismissed that was filed by someone that it would be so easy to hold
a grudge against. Yet, I’m constantly reminded that it is the one with a heart
that ends up impacting a person who is struggling and see a family turn the
corner and provide hope for a better tomorrow and an awesome future.
The challenge in most settings is that having a soft heart
is perceived as a major flaw. I know that working with guys, regardless of age,
it is very difficult to show any sign of weakness or admit to the fact that you
actually care about someone who has been hurt. Imagine what would happen in the
business community if we were able to be vulnerable and more able to admit to
our shortcomings? Think of how much time and heartache would be alleviated if
we stopped the blame game and instead got right to the truth.
What causes us men to be so afraid of opening up, being
honest and transparent? Why does the myth of success stop us from admitting to
our present failures and frustrations? Aren’t there enough quotes out there that
show everyone experiences failure and frustration? Shouldn’t these experiences become our pathway
to learning and ultimately figuring out what works? It is so easy to get upset,
kick the door or scream at someone and walk away mad instead of learning from messing
up.
My wife loves to remind me that I need to guard my heart and
not allow circumstances to turn me into a ‘crusty’ old man that always assumes
the worse and breeds a spirit of pessimism. So how do I find a heart for myself
and those around me that are struggling in life? I know that too often
corporate and military leaders are portrayed as having to be clinical and
heartless in their decisions that impact the larger majority. Yet, the reality
is that most people today do have a heart for helping and making a difference
in the life of someone who doesn’t have it together or is going through some
trauma.
I know that it takes courage to face the impact that living
in a cruel world has on those who aren’t able to help themselves. Courage is
being an advocate for someone that isn’t able to defend himself or herself or
make their lives better. It does seem
odd that purposely showing your weakness can either bring out the wolves that
are in for the kill or the shepherd types that want to round up the lost sheep.
So what determines whether you have a soft or hardened heart?
It has a lot to do with whom you choose to be around!
Imagine what happens to someone when they are with negative people who are
always putting those that are different down? Imagine what happens to a person
that has been totally destroyed by ongoing bullying when another person stands
up on their behalf and pushes the bully away? Do you think that this will
influence the one who has been bullied to rethink their choice to stand up for
themselves or at least get help? What about the bully who all of a sudden has
been put in their place? Is it possible for them to have a change of heart?
It’s true that I can only change my heart and not assume
that the problem is always out there and that my spouse, kids or friends are
the ones who need to desperately change. I know that I have been so influenced
by friends who are humble enough to help those in great need without wanting to
get credit or attention. So it is possible I believe to have a soft heart that
is courageous enough to stand up against the evil and injustice in our day. So
it’s ok to be a softie on occasion!
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