I will always remember clearly my dad’s last few years of
facing his Dementia dealt with his fear of the light. Yes, he wanted to live in
darkness purposely. He would shut all of his blinds, close the front and back
doors, locking them securely and for the most part turn off his lights. He was
too quick to lock the door behind me if I ventured out into the front yard. He
wanted to live in a cave where he controlled everything and definitely didn’t
want any help from me. His journey of struggling with depression and the loss
of his lady, who died from cancer, has impacted my life. I have been around too
many that live in the dark, are fearful to come into the light and get help to
see tomorrow can be a better day.
This last week I was with a few people who are struggling on
the inside with feeling empty, having a sense that life isn’t worth living and
something bad is about to happen. I had one friend who told me repeatedly that
I didn’t understand what his life was like and I totally agreed. The challenge
was that I have gone through some dark times in my life as I faced the
unexpected early arrival of my daughter, who lived on the brink of death for
over a year. I also had a close friend in college have his life taken away from
him after a foolish accident while hand gliding. The cancer battle my mom faced
impacted my life in ways that after sevens years I’m still rethinking how I
responded to her and my dad as they faced her imminent death.
During my college days I discovered that not everyone loved
the early morning hours nor woke up with a happy feeling and a smile on their
face. I had one roommate that definitely wished I didn’t exist because of the
friction my early risings caused. My point is that it is too easy for people
like me to be oblivious to those who struggle with self-confidence, a sense of
worth and an ability to do something when their energy level is on empty. So
I’m learning that it’s best not to say ‘suck it up’ and move it because
tomorrow you can rock the world.
I visited with a friend who is staying at a behavioral
center for a few weeks. This person’s life had been unraveling over the last
couple of years. The difficulty of getting help and being more equipped to face
life is that too often it’s more than one person’s struggle with life that is
at stake. I had printed the picture at the top of this post hoping it will help
them smile and realize that everyone at times goes from being that grimy
looking caterpillar on the ground that ends up in a cocoon and then bursts out
into an amazing butterfly. The path for mental health and spiritual vitality is
different for everyone so I probably shouldn’t assume that my butterfly quote
is always going to ‘click’ with everyone.
What I’m discovering is that everyone, myself included, has
good days, not so good days and then really bad days. It’s my choice whether I
allow anyone else to see inside me and open up a little so I can get fresh air
and light to give me perspective on my life circumstances. Mental illness has
become a major factor in our society especially in the ‘at risk’ and ‘chronic
homeless’ populations. It’s too easy like hearing the c-word for cancer to
think that I could never struggle with depression or someone I love like my
wife, parents or kids could end up believing that their life isn’t worth
living.
I know that ultimately I can’t fix anyone or turn their
darkness into light. What I can do is choose to be a friend with an open heart,
listening ear and willingness not to judge. Sometimes the best you can do is
quietly walk with them as they discover that it’s time for them to break out of
their dark shell into an amazing butterfly!
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