Monday, May 25, 2015

How do you find your soul mate?

I know my mom would be quick to say that behind every successful man is always an amazing woman! This could be a mom or the wife of your dreams. I had this fascinating conversation with a 19-year old guy whose one of my college interns. He expressed his frustration with trying to find a soul mate. He had come to the conclusion that looking for a GF was a dead end path. He had already experienced the reality that true beauty is much more than what one sees in the mirror! He was singing the blues because he hadn’t found anyone that was up to his standards and sensed maybe he would be the single celibate guy because of his personal convictions.
Yes, here is a young man who wasn’t interested strictly in a gal’s measurements or attire choice but her personal convictions and ability to do critical thinking. His conclusion after his freshman year in college is that there weren’t many females that exhibited the ability to think in a well thought out fashion. I challenged him initially to rethink his way of searching for his soul mate. I believe he had come to the conclusion that e-harmony, match.com or Christianmingle.com wouldn’t do it for him.
So is it foolish for someone to have high standards and end up being alone? My friend’s personal assessment was that he would rather wait for his true soul mate than compromise his convictions to hook up with someone that ultimately would walk away from him because of being so vastly different after the chemistry wore off. I encouraged him to stick to his moral, spiritual and intellectual grid. I said that ultimately God would help him find his special friend that would become his partner in life!
My story, which I can relate to how he feels, is that I found my soul mate when I was 19 and we have been married almost 42 years. I quickly shared my journey of how I had also given up on the GF and dating vehicle as the path to finding my soul mate. I had sworn off in my freshman messing around with another’s heart and feelings. It was more selfish that I didn’t want to get hurt anymore. So I made a vow to myself to be content with being myself until the right person came along my path.
I have too many friends that are my age that are discontent singles who are still trying to find themselves and thus aren’t able to find a soul mate. So our discussion went back to my complimenting my young friend about the fact that he did have awesome convictions and a real passion in life that he ought not let fall to the wayside because of someone’s ‘neckline’ or perfume! We ended up talking about how one practically looks for their soul mate? Typically it means you hang out at gathering places like bars, clubs or for him church.
I believe that it’s more important to work on your own life’s goals and passions than get caught up in pursuing the meat market as my wife would express about her opinion of the bar scene or even singles’ church scene. Yet, why is it the case that too often we go looking for love in all of the wrong places then are shocked when the person we find in that ‘bad place’ doesn’t meet our expectations after a few months of hanging out?
Our conclusion was that it was more essential to discover your passion in life before you go out looking for your soul mate. My friend will still struggle with being alone but has learned at a young age that contentment with keeping your convictions is more important that finding a ‘hot babe’! This isn’t to say that he wouldn’t find an intellectually and spiritually together woman who is truly beautiful on the inside as well as the outside!

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