What Matters the Most?

I will be the first to confess that it is so easy to get busy with doing good things and totally miss the great things that God has for us to do! Too often I take advantage of those around me who mean the most to me and forget to tell them how important they are to me. Yes at times I believe that the world or God can’t operate without me. I know that I’m but a speck and that the truly amazing creator who brought something out of nothing doesn’t have to bother with me, yet, He chooses each day to give me life and a reason to have hope for tomorrow.

I don’t complain very often about life circumstances because I know the story of Job and Joseph where they lose everything and in the end are restored back to normal. I selfishly don’t want to live in that type of story. Yet, I have watched my first kid struggle to live in a neonatal ICU before high tech was more than a garage dream. We spent a year commuting to see our tiny little baby almost die more times than can be remembered. Over the next 10 years we had numerous miscarriages that left me emotional numb and ultimately at 50 I saw my need to be there in a different way for my Anne.

We jokingly responded to a suggestion by Anne’s sister about a little girl in her kindergarten class who was in foster care. About 2 years later we adopted this little girl and her tiny brother. Today they are incredible adults who I’m so proud of, yet, the journey of getting them is something I would rather forget. I know first hand that there are no guarantees in life. I have learned over the years that the rain, floods, sunshine and tragedy happen to all regardless of their faith journey or morality.

I have experienced the agony of watching my mom suffer over a decade with the effects of treatment for cancer. My mom was truly an optimist and realist rolled into one that taught me how to face the issue for the day, not to worry about tomorrow and get out of bed, make no excuses and do it. This was long before the Nike commercials existed. She is still my inspiration for facing the challenges of today.

It was over a period of 4 years that I used my mom’s living example of encouragement and endurance to care for my dad who had the unfortunate curse of memory loss. Someone who could recite poetry or sing songs that were pages long from memory was reduced to someone that could laugh, smile and tell me that he loved me. I was so blessed to be around him during his last few years. Yes, I struggled with why this had to happen to such an amazing person that had been raised in the middle of a broken family that in the end wasn’t totally with him. The most amazing gift my dad gave me was his last good-bye that was a big thank you and I love you while he was awaiting the angels from heaven to take him to glory.

Today I face another tough moment with my best friend and life partner. We have been through so much together. Last year she had an accident where she fell during the last leg of a hike. This ultimately meant surgery, using a wheel chair and figuring out how to crawl up the stairs and taking showers in a chair. The year before she had a cancer scare that happened in about a weeks worth of time. The great news was that the results of a simple surgery procedure were done days after the news and everything was normal.

I will walk into a doctor’s office this morning where he will look at some slides and give us advice about what to do. I know that regardless of the decision and what type of procedure we choose that God is walking with us in this scary time. I’m blessed to have a great larger family and so many friends that are there. Yet, I’m afraid for my best friend that the news from this procedure will change our lives forever. I’m tired of struggles with the people around me that have chosen the wrong path and suffer the consequences, as my Anne has lived a life that is praiseworthy and doesn’t deserve any more pain or suffering. Yet, I know that God is going to be with us in the doctor’s office and will give us the wisdom and discernment to know what next step to take.

I’m learning even in my old age that saying I love you and SHOWING it is so important. I don’t want to let the day go by without showing it! So time to by some flowers, chocolate and get a card.