Change - adapt or?

My wife is doing a discussion on change in her clinical group this week. As we have grown old together over the last 40 years it is both adventurous and scary to see what happens over a lifetime. I know that my mom would tell me that typically you could count all of your friends on both hands. It is difficult in today’s social media driven society to live the illusion that my 1,000 friends on Facebook are genuinely close to me or my LinkedIn contacts care more about me than a post with a pithy quote. The reality is that at times change is the one thing that is constant in my life. I’m not saying I like it but have come to expect it.

I studied Greek Philosophy in college and grad school and realized that some of the Socratic philosophers had a lot to say in today’s high tech world. Change wasn’t viewed as necessarily a negative factor but real and the opportunity is to understand it and make positive steps to become a better person. The difficulty today is that we are faced with the pursuit of happiness or hedonism as the chief virtue in life. My wife especially struggles with the tendency of too many to allow electronics to become their sole focus in life. I know that most guys between the teen years and 30 somethings would go through serious withdrawals if their iPhone or Nintendo or PS-3s were taken.

So how is it possible to have a sense of identity when everything is changing? I can remember from my philosophy degree that we still call the Thames River a river even though the water that went through it a thousand years ago is different from today it is still called the same. I have totally gray hair which I don’t necessarily like but looking at my wedding pictures you can see through my long hair that I’m the same guy. Yet, I have changed definitively over the last 40 years. Yes, my favorite candy bar is still Milkyways but everything else is very different. So what makes me me or you you?

I know that for me the last 7 years of my life have been a huge learning curve as I’m learning to live without my mom or dad being around me. Yes, I remember so much of what they represent and taught me from my youth. Yet, I can’t pick up the phone and call to say hi, ask questions, get help or tell them we’ll be in San Diego this weekend. I have had the privilege of doing people work the last 40 years of my life and the reality both good and bad is that people change. That little kid I’ve watched grow up is now a teen, an adult and soon a college grad. My relationship changes with people all of the time. Someone that was close to me has moved far away. Yes, we communicate in different ways but the relationship is different.

Adapting becomes the key to making change a positive factor in life. My amazing wife broke her foot hiking a summer ago. This required a radical life change for 3 months. She was always wanting to walk, hike or jog but instead had to be on the couch, in a wheel chair or crawl up the stairs. It was a huge adjustment to be this limited. Yet, daily improvement happened and eventually she could walk, hike and now run.

As my Anne does her Circle of Trust discussion on change the truth will come out that most of us fear change and want to stick with our tried and true routines. I know that living in a diverse community has helped me to appreciate different food and I might have a different favorite but I still like my steak barbequed on the rare side and not turned into a crispy critter.