Relationships

Is it really possible for a soccer ball to become the substitute for a real friend? Most will still remember Tom Hanks in this survivor type of movie doing his best to live on a tropical island in total isolation. I get a sense that there are many who truly believe that they would do fine as long as they had enough food, great weather and some type of tamable wild animal that would make life happen. Yet, there are many who will wake up this morning feeling totally alone and will question whether their life is worth living. Yes, relationships are very important to having a balanced healthy life.

I remember a conversation with a younger friend who was quick to say that she only had a few real friends regardless of her various social media accounts. The truth of the matter is that too often I assume that many of my friends are close when we live in a busy world that takes them or me away. So it isn’t easy to maintain a close relationship with many because it requires real time. It isn’t possible to keep up friendships too well via e-mails, texts or posts. We can see what is happening around the world but the reality is that it requires real face time to know someone from their innermost.

Time is something that many of us think we can control and force more into a day or week because of our capacity to multi-task. The reality is that a day is still going to be 24 hours and that hour we have to finish work; a letter to a family member or a chance to just read is still going to be 60 minutes. Yes, at times it seems as if time stands still or seems to fly by in rapid fashion. The truth is that my day at 60 isn’t any different from when I was 50, 40 or even 15. Yet, my perception is totally different now when I’m able to look back at my life and be honest when I say that there truly are just a few in my life who stand the test of time. So when I send out an e-mail or post about serious family matters it isn’t a surprise that a friend from over 30 years ago is one of the first to respond.

My life does revolve around the relationships, which I have sought to build in my community over the last decade. I received a call from the ex-wife of a grandpa type in my neighborhood. We had painted his house 4 years ago and have done lots of work on his house to maintain a tie. Over the last few years his health has been horrible and his son and daughter in-law have moved into his falling apart type of house. I visit this friend a few times a year. He is unable to talk but has a big smile. I know that the call was his way of reminding me that he is still there.

It would be so easy to allow the busyness of life to stop me from visiting him. I know that it won’t take more than 10 minutes to pop in and shake his hand. I have memories of his last stroke that left him partially paralyzed and wanting to end his life. I can remember arguing via a pad of paper about why his life was still worth living. My opportunity is to continue to make him a real friend. He doesn’t text or do social media so I have to take the time to drive to his house and actually see him face to face.

I am blessed to have a few older friends who humble me by their commitment to caring and reaching back to me regardless of what I do. It is so easy to lose track of someone’s age. This one grandma type has been a widow most of the time that I have been around her since the middle 80’s. She isn’t rich but someone who lives frugally with a purpose. So when I get a check from her for $100 for our work I know that it is a real sacrifice. What impresses me about her is that she helps her son who is deaf and needs special help. She always writes me long letters talking about her life circumstances. This is such a special gift that again shows the power of relationships.

I know as a kid I struggled with the peer pressure to only have what would be perceived as cool friends. I had a couple of friends that were girls who didn’t fit the image of the beautiful girl profile in the 60’s or 70’s. Looking back I was horrible when it came to how I treated her. I was too quick to listen to bad advice thinking it was preferred than have a girl friend that had a great personality but wasn’t considered beautiful on someone else’s terms. I lost out totally because of my selfish mindset towards this specific girl.

I have friends of all ages and backgrounds, which does bring much joy and refreshment to my life. I know that it does require some thoughtful effort to stay in touch. I also know that I can’t possible assume that most of them are going to be close or able to stay in touch. It is rather easy to get my feelings hurt when someone isn’t as quick to respond, as I would like. So I go back to my mom’s simple life lesson that I would have as many friends as fingers when all was said and done. I know that as a kid growing up I didn’t always value my friendship with my mom or dad as much as I should. Now that they are gone I can see how important they were in my life then and now.