Margins in My Life

One of my new words has become the term margin. How much margin do you have in your life for emotional frenzy? How much margin do you have in your bank account when you battery is dead or you get a flat? How much margin do you have in your life to respond with grace and mercy instead of anger and frustration? I know that it is so easy for those with margin to be too quick to judge those who are running on empty to be judgmental.

I had an incredible morning driving back through memory lane because I had a margin of time that allowed me to visit my mom and dad’s memorial at an amazing cemetery in Point Loma that is historic and is along the ocean. It was stunning to see the sunlight break across the tops of the high-rise buildings in the downtown which made it difficult to take pictures of the bay. I had my cry of missing the two most important people in my life. I decided to drive back around the old neighborhoods and see my parent’s old house and apartment complex that had been dubbed the Bennett place seeing my parents and my brothers lived there for a season. I then drove by my in-laws old house that was close by and realized that everything was changing too much. My parent’s place was up for sale and the in-law house had been redone so much that you couldn’t recognize it.

I had spent the last day or so around special celebrations that brought the best and worst out in some. I know that those that are the doers in families seem to have lots of margin for making life happen around those that at times seem oblivious to the disasters taking place in front of them. Regardless of the turn out in celebrations or birthday parties those that made it happen were blessed to have a large degree of margin that gave them the energy to go beyond the norm and not ‘poop out’.

The last month in my life has been a mixed set of emotions as I have dealt with having multiple skin cancer surgeries. These have been a pain because of the aftermath of having to deal with large incisions in delicate areas that make it almost impossible to move around without shooting pain.  The expense of medical care is astronomical so this becomes a financial mess. My real downfall, which took away my margin for being tolerant to pain, was tweaking my back out about a month ago when I lifted up my dog, Freckles to bring her upstairs to be with the rest of us. She was throwing a silent tantrum because of Carly our little dog that rules the bed with a vicious growl. My margin for going to a chiropractor changed during this last month so I’ve become use to getting re-aligned!

This gave me more sympathy when it comes to others that deal with chronic life issues, which leave them little or no margin for much of anything. Looking back it amazes me how well my mom did with her ongoing lower back pain. She never complained much but you could see in her eyes at times how much it really hurt to move around. Yet, she choose to put this in perspective of bigger life issues around her that gave her margin to face her struggle with cancer which impacted all of us. It is always incredible that the person with the most difficult situation at times is the one encouraging everyone else to have a better attitude and step up to increase their life margins.

I had copied and posted a picture that had a balloon labeled hope on it that an individual was holding the string. The caption obviously said the typical ‘hang on’! So what is that hope that we are supposed to grab after? The challenge is that this term hope represents a vast array of things for different people. Some times it’s more about my potential and the assumption that I can do anything on my own just given time and more opportunity. Other times it represents what family and friends bring to the table that increase our margin to try again and not quit or throw in the towel. Many see this hope as the belief that God is truly at the center of their lives and is the one who makes the impossible possible.

My life lesson for myself is that life is best lived out one baby step at a time. Yes, it would be remarkable if I could scale Mt. Everest or Half Dome in Yosemite but the reality is that’s not me today. So as I listened to many different friends I know I can’t put my expectations on them.  Too often I’m more about seeing progress on my terms and this just isn’t going to happen. So the best I can do is listen, learn and then be a sounding board for others when asked. I confess that it is too easy at times to really think I have the answers when the hope I have in life is faith based in the God who created the universe! So baby steps each day!